By my salad! Who decided it would be a good idea to put sharp vegetables in there?
Was I supposed to eat all of those exotic greens? After bleeding profusely from my lips and gums? I like my iceberg lettuce, thank you. Maybe a little bit of romaine if I am feeling wild. You can keep the thorns.
I'm not sure when this idea of weird leaves in salads made it all the way down to the un-trendiest of restaurants (my salad was from a local bar & grill). But I don't like it. You get less edible contents for more money. And the nouveau salads aren't exactly delicious, either.
Frisee, the thorny weed? Radicchio, the bitter leaf? Those purple soggy things? They all taste terrible. And the newest idea is to serve dandelions in certain mixes. Are you kidding me? I spend a good bit of effort trying to eradicate those things from my yard. And now you want me to eat them? I don't think so.
But I do have an idea. Next spring I will skip the lawn fertilizer. I'll let the dandelions and other weeds grow alongside my mouth-watering mix of zoysia, fine fescue and perennial rye grasses. Then I'll charge $8.95 and you can graze in my yard all you want. Very trendy. You'll get the same junk they put in your salad at a restaurant, but it will be so fresh!
Just make sure you bring your favorite dressing. And a band-aid for your mouth.
Wednesday, November 9, 2005
Friday, October 28, 2005
Purple Tape
It's local election time, and things are getting very interesting in my Borough. I'm not talking about the politics of the whole thing. Instead, there is a real life soap opera going on.
Beverly Coon is a school board member up for re-election in my district. Dr. Ronald Grimm is the school superintendent in a neighboring district. For the past two years, they have been in a romantic relationship together. Things changed, however, when Dr. Grimm decided that he wanted to get back together with his estranged wife. This is where the daytime drama stuff comes in.
Ms. Coon is now free on $100,000 bond, awaiting her trial. Dr. Grimm spent 7 days in the hospital recovering from burns on his hands, arms, and face. He will be wearing burn recovery pressure sleeves for the next year. It seems that she was not thrilled about his plan to reconcile with his wife.
She is accused of setting his bed on fire after feeding him drug-laced lady locks that put him to sleep. You know, attempted murder. Other than that, she has been formally charged with arson, reckless endangerment, risking a catastrophe, criminal mischief, and stalking. Here is a picture of Ms. Coon on the way to the preliminary hearing.
No word yet on whether she will also be charged with having ridiculous blonde highlights after age 45.
For some reason, the two candidates with whom she shares front-yard political signs have decided to distance themselves from her. They have gone around to all of their purple signs with white text and strategically placed strips of purple tape over Ms. Coon's name. Remember when the only tape you had to worry about with elected officials was the red kind?
From a political standpoint, I guess you could say that she will do anything for what she wants. And her name will still be on the ballot, despite the pending trial and purple tape. I wonder how many votes she will get.
I personally can't vote for Ms. Coon. Her behavior goes against everything I believe in. I feel very strongly that people shouldn't just go around ruining perfectly good lady locks. I'm anti-desecration of pastries. Other than that, there's the list of criminal charges. And the pure jealous evil. And the hair.
Beverly Coon is a school board member up for re-election in my district. Dr. Ronald Grimm is the school superintendent in a neighboring district. For the past two years, they have been in a romantic relationship together. Things changed, however, when Dr. Grimm decided that he wanted to get back together with his estranged wife. This is where the daytime drama stuff comes in.
Ms. Coon is now free on $100,000 bond, awaiting her trial. Dr. Grimm spent 7 days in the hospital recovering from burns on his hands, arms, and face. He will be wearing burn recovery pressure sleeves for the next year. It seems that she was not thrilled about his plan to reconcile with his wife.
She is accused of setting his bed on fire after feeding him drug-laced lady locks that put him to sleep. You know, attempted murder. Other than that, she has been formally charged with arson, reckless endangerment, risking a catastrophe, criminal mischief, and stalking. Here is a picture of Ms. Coon on the way to the preliminary hearing.
No word yet on whether she will also be charged with having ridiculous blonde highlights after age 45.
For some reason, the two candidates with whom she shares front-yard political signs have decided to distance themselves from her. They have gone around to all of their purple signs with white text and strategically placed strips of purple tape over Ms. Coon's name. Remember when the only tape you had to worry about with elected officials was the red kind?
From a political standpoint, I guess you could say that she will do anything for what she wants. And her name will still be on the ballot, despite the pending trial and purple tape. I wonder how many votes she will get.
I personally can't vote for Ms. Coon. Her behavior goes against everything I believe in. I feel very strongly that people shouldn't just go around ruining perfectly good lady locks. I'm anti-desecration of pastries. Other than that, there's the list of criminal charges. And the pure jealous evil. And the hair.
Monday, October 17, 2005
Big Changes
As you may have noticed, there have been some big changes this week! The sinkerbeam blog has moved here, under the sinkerbeam.com umbrella. We have also created a new blog for the baby that is hosted here as well. The new addresses are as follows:
the sinkerbeam blog - http://blog.sinkerbeam.com
sinkerbaby blog - http://kidstuff.sinkerbeam.com
Please update your bookmarks/links when you get a chance.
Also, there are a few more links included in the sidebar of each blog. And syndication is now available for the sinkerbeam blog.
Thanks for visiting!
the sinkerbeam blog - http://blog.sinkerbeam.com
sinkerbaby blog - http://kidstuff.sinkerbeam.com
Please update your bookmarks/links when you get a chance.
Also, there are a few more links included in the sidebar of each blog. And syndication is now available for the sinkerbeam blog.
Thanks for visiting!
Friday, October 14, 2005
4-9-18-51-54 Powerball 10
Did you get your ticket yet? Pool some cash with a bunch of people and send someone down to the 7-Eleven? The Powerball is up to $300,000,000 you know. After taking the cash option and subtracting the taxes, you've got yourself about $75 million. Or, if you're like most people, you're out a dollar and you have a worthless stub of paper with some numbers on it.
Every time the jackpot gets up into the bunch-of-millions, people who would never play the lottery decide that it might be a good time to start. They also have conversations about what they would do with that much money.
One person would buy a new house. Another would give a million bucks to everyone they know. Someone else would put it in the bank and live off the interest. All good ideas. But then the subject of work comes up, and some people get ridiculous.
"I think I would go back to work after awhile," they say.
"I'd get bored and need something to do."
Please. Maybe you should take some of that money and buy a little imagination. There are plenty of things to do out there, and going to your work should not be one of them. Let me give you a few ideas. Turn on the PlayStation. Take a nap. Plant a vegetable garden. Study the African tree frog. There are 300 million more ideas out there and work shouldn't be one of them.
As of now, you go to work to make money. If you won the Powerball jackpot, you'd have all the money you could handle. You wouldn't need to make any more money, and there would be no reason to go to work. Right? You can't possibly like work that much.
But let's get back to reality. Your odds of actually winning the jackpot are 1 in 146,107,962. You have a better chance of getting struck by lightning while being attacked by a shark. Sure, someone is going to win. But that someone is not you. Have you seen the people who have won in the past? With the greasy hair and the crazy eyes?
Just take your dollar down to the 7-Eleven and buy a candy bar. How about a snickers. It will give you the extra energy you need to go to work. You can pretend that you won the Powerball but you "need something to do."
Every time the jackpot gets up into the bunch-of-millions, people who would never play the lottery decide that it might be a good time to start. They also have conversations about what they would do with that much money.
One person would buy a new house. Another would give a million bucks to everyone they know. Someone else would put it in the bank and live off the interest. All good ideas. But then the subject of work comes up, and some people get ridiculous.
"I think I would go back to work after awhile," they say.
"I'd get bored and need something to do."
Please. Maybe you should take some of that money and buy a little imagination. There are plenty of things to do out there, and going to your work should not be one of them. Let me give you a few ideas. Turn on the PlayStation. Take a nap. Plant a vegetable garden. Study the African tree frog. There are 300 million more ideas out there and work shouldn't be one of them.
As of now, you go to work to make money. If you won the Powerball jackpot, you'd have all the money you could handle. You wouldn't need to make any more money, and there would be no reason to go to work. Right? You can't possibly like work that much.
But let's get back to reality. Your odds of actually winning the jackpot are 1 in 146,107,962. You have a better chance of getting struck by lightning while being attacked by a shark. Sure, someone is going to win. But that someone is not you. Have you seen the people who have won in the past? With the greasy hair and the crazy eyes?
Just take your dollar down to the 7-Eleven and buy a candy bar. How about a snickers. It will give you the extra energy you need to go to work. You can pretend that you won the Powerball but you "need something to do."
Monday, October 3, 2005
"Pear Butter '04"
What does a glass jar of "Pear Butter '04" do when it falls 5 feet from its pantry shelf and hits the carpet? The plush, shaggy, relatively new carpet?
It breaks with a low thud and splashes its Pear Buttery goodness everywhere. Even at 12:30 in the morning.
The first thing I did when I saw the fallen jar was wonder to myself if we had any bread in the house. It seemed like a waste to just clean up the spill and throw away the Pear Butter remains. Unfortunately, we did not have any bread.
Next, I broke for the paper towel roll, knowing that I had very little time before gravity pulled the spill into the dark reaches of the carpet backing. Anything reaching that deep would be smelled (if not seen) for generations to come. I was trying to work fast to get the big piles up when I sliced my finger on a shard of what remained of the glass jar.
As I started to bleed, I realized that if I was not careful I would soon be cleaning up two types of liquid from my carpet. I wasn't sure if the Pear Butter was going to stain my rug, but I was pretty sure about the blood. I've watched CSI.
I proceeded more carefully, finishing the chunk removal phase and moving on to the chemical spray phase (aka the dabbing phase). Using up three-quarters of a roll of paper towels, two-hundred fifty thousand dabs, a band-aid, and about an hour, everything was back to how it was before. You can't even tell where the "Pear Butter '04" had come to rest on my carpet.
Go ahead and look next time you visit. Just don't ask for any Pear Butter. There isn't any left. And we don't have any bread anyway.
It breaks with a low thud and splashes its Pear Buttery goodness everywhere. Even at 12:30 in the morning.
The first thing I did when I saw the fallen jar was wonder to myself if we had any bread in the house. It seemed like a waste to just clean up the spill and throw away the Pear Butter remains. Unfortunately, we did not have any bread.
Next, I broke for the paper towel roll, knowing that I had very little time before gravity pulled the spill into the dark reaches of the carpet backing. Anything reaching that deep would be smelled (if not seen) for generations to come. I was trying to work fast to get the big piles up when I sliced my finger on a shard of what remained of the glass jar.
As I started to bleed, I realized that if I was not careful I would soon be cleaning up two types of liquid from my carpet. I wasn't sure if the Pear Butter was going to stain my rug, but I was pretty sure about the blood. I've watched CSI.
I proceeded more carefully, finishing the chunk removal phase and moving on to the chemical spray phase (aka the dabbing phase). Using up three-quarters of a roll of paper towels, two-hundred fifty thousand dabs, a band-aid, and about an hour, everything was back to how it was before. You can't even tell where the "Pear Butter '04" had come to rest on my carpet.
Go ahead and look next time you visit. Just don't ask for any Pear Butter. There isn't any left. And we don't have any bread anyway.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Stooges Roofing, Inc.
Normal construction workers like to get up early. They like to start work the moment the job site is illuminated by the sunrise. The guys putting a new roof on my neighbor's house aren't normal construction workers.
I think they are Moe, Larry and Curley reincarnated as roofers.
On Monday they started the job. Sort of. Three guys showed up in two unmarked late-model trucks to have a look around. They climbed up on the roof and walked around a bit (it is not a very big roof). Then they left.
On Tuesday they rolled in at about 9:45am. Not exactly the crack of dawn. They proceeded to rip off most of the front side shingles and tack down some new underlayment cloth. Then they left. It was before noon.
This morning's arrival time was closer to 10am. They were ready to do some actual work but had forgotten something, and they sent Larry to retrieve it. He showed up over an hour later. It turns out he got lost on the way back - he was looking at the job sheet and searching for Elm Street. There is no Elm Street in my town. The homeowner's last name is Elm. He is an idiot.
Today did turn out to be a productive day, though. They got about half of the roof's shingles attached. They also narrowly missed hitting the homeowner in the head with a box that was thrown off of the roof. She yelled something at them, and then Moe yelled back that maybe she "should stay inside." She isn't the only one.
Curley readjusted the ladder when he was trying to carry a bundle of shingles up to the roof, only to get screamed at because it was "already perfect" and now the two Stooges on the roof might be stuck up there. Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk. The homeowner unplugged the air compressor for the nail gun (accidently, I think) and it took them half an hour to figure it out. Larry tripped over the new gutters that were staged in the middle of the yard and landed right on his back. Like I said, it turned out to be a productive day.
I'm just waiting for an anvil to fall out of the sky and hit one of them on the head.
All in all, though, I don't think I'd mind joining this team. They seem like they have some fun (minus the nose twisting and eye poking), they get up late, they go home early. Sounds like my kind of thing.
Just call me Shemp. I'll be over at about 10:00 tomorrow morning. Where are we going again?
I think they are Moe, Larry and Curley reincarnated as roofers.
On Monday they started the job. Sort of. Three guys showed up in two unmarked late-model trucks to have a look around. They climbed up on the roof and walked around a bit (it is not a very big roof). Then they left.
On Tuesday they rolled in at about 9:45am. Not exactly the crack of dawn. They proceeded to rip off most of the front side shingles and tack down some new underlayment cloth. Then they left. It was before noon.
This morning's arrival time was closer to 10am. They were ready to do some actual work but had forgotten something, and they sent Larry to retrieve it. He showed up over an hour later. It turns out he got lost on the way back - he was looking at the job sheet and searching for Elm Street. There is no Elm Street in my town. The homeowner's last name is Elm. He is an idiot.
Today did turn out to be a productive day, though. They got about half of the roof's shingles attached. They also narrowly missed hitting the homeowner in the head with a box that was thrown off of the roof. She yelled something at them, and then Moe yelled back that maybe she "should stay inside." She isn't the only one.
Curley readjusted the ladder when he was trying to carry a bundle of shingles up to the roof, only to get screamed at because it was "already perfect" and now the two Stooges on the roof might be stuck up there. Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk. The homeowner unplugged the air compressor for the nail gun (accidently, I think) and it took them half an hour to figure it out. Larry tripped over the new gutters that were staged in the middle of the yard and landed right on his back. Like I said, it turned out to be a productive day.
I'm just waiting for an anvil to fall out of the sky and hit one of them on the head.
All in all, though, I don't think I'd mind joining this team. They seem like they have some fun (minus the nose twisting and eye poking), they get up late, they go home early. Sounds like my kind of thing.
Just call me Shemp. I'll be over at about 10:00 tomorrow morning. Where are we going again?
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
The End Of The Album
When is the last time you bought an album? I'm not even talking about one made out of actual vinyl. I just mean a collection of songs by a band on a single archive of media. Better yet, when is the last time you listened to an album the whole way through? Without clicking next?
It used to be that an album was the only way you could get music (or so I've heard - I'm not all that old). Then you could buy a single of a released song complete with b-side. Now you can just buy one song at a time. Any song. And for as little as 88¢.
There goes the album.
The funny thing is that you can tell your iPod to show the album art of the song you are listening to, even though you would never even think about actually buying the whole thing. Artists don't even need to put out an entire album anymore. We're living in a single-oriented world. And I am a single-oriented girl. Or whatever.
But I still love the album. It's a collection of songs in the order that the musician intended for you to listen to them. Sadly, we will probably not see many more great ones in our lifetime. There is no need or incentive to put any effort into album making.
So, to eulogize the end of the album as we know it, I submit my top 5 albums of all time.
5) Foo Fighters
One By One
4) The Beatles
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
3) U2
Achtung Baby
2) Smashing Pumpkins
Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness
1) Pink Floyd
The Wall
(click on the album covers for more information)
I'm sure after seeing my picks that you want to argue with me, or you at least have some of your own to share. Go ahead. Stop downloading that song for a second and post your favorites. Join me in celebrating the album.
The only rules are that no greatest hits or compilation albums are eligible for the list.
Goodbye album. It has been a fun ride. Rock on.
It used to be that an album was the only way you could get music (or so I've heard - I'm not all that old). Then you could buy a single of a released song complete with b-side. Now you can just buy one song at a time. Any song. And for as little as 88¢.
There goes the album.
The funny thing is that you can tell your iPod to show the album art of the song you are listening to, even though you would never even think about actually buying the whole thing. Artists don't even need to put out an entire album anymore. We're living in a single-oriented world. And I am a single-oriented girl. Or whatever.
But I still love the album. It's a collection of songs in the order that the musician intended for you to listen to them. Sadly, we will probably not see many more great ones in our lifetime. There is no need or incentive to put any effort into album making.
So, to eulogize the end of the album as we know it, I submit my top 5 albums of all time.
5) Foo FightersOne By One
4) The BeatlesSgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
3) U2Achtung Baby
2) Smashing PumpkinsMellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness
1) Pink FloydThe Wall
(click on the album covers for more information)
I'm sure after seeing my picks that you want to argue with me, or you at least have some of your own to share. Go ahead. Stop downloading that song for a second and post your favorites. Join me in celebrating the album.
The only rules are that no greatest hits or compilation albums are eligible for the list.
Goodbye album. It has been a fun ride. Rock on.
Monday, September 5, 2005
Posts Update II
Rabbit Stew
Toby has been given a stay of execution. Since PayPal had shut down their account, Toby's keepers have decided to sell a book instead. If 100,000 copies are sold by Thanksgiving Day, 2006, the bunny's life will be spared. There is even a press release about the change. Yes, the guys' names are James and Brian. No, I do not have anything to do with this.
$205,938,439.00
Things are back to normal in baseball. Since my comparison, the Yankees have improved dramatically and are only 3 games back in the AL East (and at the top of the Wild Card race in the American League). The Pirates are 32 games behind the NL Central leader. 32. And they are tied for the worst record in the NL. Boo. Oh, and about those 3 head-to-head games in June? The Buccos got swept in Yankee Stadium.
Episode III - Attack of the Marketing
I still have not seen the film. It comes out on DVD on November 1, so maybe I will watch it from the comfort of my own home. I have, however, eaten the "Choose the Dark Side" M&M's. They are silly.
The Replacements
Happily, I have no recent replacements to report. Since I have been asked repeatedly, I may (at some point) relate the entire story about the fuel pump in the Corsica.
Lawn Care
Appropriately enough, a 40 oz. bottle of Iron City Beer showed up on my neighbor's side yard the day after this post. He did not put it there. I'm sure the bottle's owners were trying to hit my lawn, but I guess consuming that much "Premium Lager" can throw off your aim.
Toby has been given a stay of execution. Since PayPal had shut down their account, Toby's keepers have decided to sell a book instead. If 100,000 copies are sold by Thanksgiving Day, 2006, the bunny's life will be spared. There is even a press release about the change. Yes, the guys' names are James and Brian. No, I do not have anything to do with this.
$205,938,439.00
Things are back to normal in baseball. Since my comparison, the Yankees have improved dramatically and are only 3 games back in the AL East (and at the top of the Wild Card race in the American League). The Pirates are 32 games behind the NL Central leader. 32. And they are tied for the worst record in the NL. Boo. Oh, and about those 3 head-to-head games in June? The Buccos got swept in Yankee Stadium.
Episode III - Attack of the Marketing
I still have not seen the film. It comes out on DVD on November 1, so maybe I will watch it from the comfort of my own home. I have, however, eaten the "Choose the Dark Side" M&M's. They are silly.
The Replacements
Happily, I have no recent replacements to report. Since I have been asked repeatedly, I may (at some point) relate the entire story about the fuel pump in the Corsica.
Lawn Care
Appropriately enough, a 40 oz. bottle of Iron City Beer showed up on my neighbor's side yard the day after this post. He did not put it there. I'm sure the bottle's owners were trying to hit my lawn, but I guess consuming that much "Premium Lager" can throw off your aim.
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Lawn Care
I don't smoke. I don't drink. I don't own a dog. And I haven't sold lemonade to neighborhood folks in about 17 years. But you would never know it from all of the evidence on my front lawn.
When I cut the grass I usually have to stop multiple times to pick up debris. In the past few years I have found many things in my yard, including but not limited to: cigarette butts, a working lighter, a chewed up cigar, beer cans & beer bottles (empty & full), the packaging of an entire McDonald's Happy Meal, a "Lemonade - 25 cents" sign, half a lemon, plastic spoons & cups, a 7 of diamonds, love notes, class notes, batteries, a mortgage payment stub (not mine), roof shingles, and a white undershirt. Oh, yes. And dog poop. Lots of it.
I don't know how all this stuff ends up in my yard. Does the wind just end at my front lawn? Does the stop sign on the corner let drivers pause to throw junk out their car windows? Do people walking by just hate me? Or is someone planting evidence to frame the characters in the Dogs Playing Poker paintings?
Whatever the reason, about once a week in the non-winter months, there I am. Not smoking but with a back pocket full of butts. Not drinking but with a recycle bin full of Budweiser cans. And don't get me started about the other uses for a gardening shovel.
I mean, one of the thousand reasons I don't have a dog is that I don't want to clean up after it. But judging from some of the other stuff I've found out there, maybe it isn't the dogs that I should be worried about. Lemonade, anyone?
When I cut the grass I usually have to stop multiple times to pick up debris. In the past few years I have found many things in my yard, including but not limited to: cigarette butts, a working lighter, a chewed up cigar, beer cans & beer bottles (empty & full), the packaging of an entire McDonald's Happy Meal, a "Lemonade - 25 cents" sign, half a lemon, plastic spoons & cups, a 7 of diamonds, love notes, class notes, batteries, a mortgage payment stub (not mine), roof shingles, and a white undershirt. Oh, yes. And dog poop. Lots of it.
I don't know how all this stuff ends up in my yard. Does the wind just end at my front lawn? Does the stop sign on the corner let drivers pause to throw junk out their car windows? Do people walking by just hate me? Or is someone planting evidence to frame the characters in the Dogs Playing Poker paintings?
Whatever the reason, about once a week in the non-winter months, there I am. Not smoking but with a back pocket full of butts. Not drinking but with a recycle bin full of Budweiser cans. And don't get me started about the other uses for a gardening shovel.
I mean, one of the thousand reasons I don't have a dog is that I don't want to clean up after it. But judging from some of the other stuff I've found out there, maybe it isn't the dogs that I should be worried about. Lemonade, anyone?
Saturday, August 6, 2005
Sportsburgh
It has been quite a week for sports in Pittsburgh. All three major sports seasons are starting to overlap, and the city is buzzing with excitement.
The Penguins won the NHL draft lottery and used the first pick to select future Hall of Famer Sidney Crosby. He is supposed to be the next Mario Lemieux. How appropriate.
Even though he is going to save the team and bring multiple Stanley Cups to the city, very few people around here even know what he looks like. Here is a picture of young Sidney. Please don't run him over in your mad dash to the season ticket counter or on the way to get your #87 jersey.
The Steelers have started training camp, the first stop on the road to Super Bowl XL. That stands for "40" in football numerals. The crazy fans in this football town always look forward to this symbolic opening of the season, and this year expectations are as grand as usual. 16-0. One for the thumb. I think I saw some people tailgating at Heinz Field already.
The Pirates snuck past last Sunday's trade deadline, managing to give away only one decent player to a division rival in exchange for some guy you never heard of that was pretty good two years ago. They have officially given up on this season and are calling up players from the minor leagues. So why is everyone excited? They have unveiled the All-Star Game logo for next year. That's why. Can you say Home Run Derby into the Allegheny River?
Not to be outdone by our professional sports, the Bassmaster Classic was held in Pittsburgh last week, too. What, you say? Bass in the three rivers? I've never caught one and I don't know of anyone who has. Carp, sure. There are carp as big (and ugly) as a Toyota Prius in there. But very few bass. Case in point - the winner of the event actually had the lowest three day total weight ever, setting a Bassmaster Classic record for futility. And these were the best fisherman minds in the country.
What did they expect? Even the fish were busy paying attention to all of the sports excitement that was going on in Pittsburgh. Maybe if the so-called "Bassmasters" had used pieces of kolbassi dipped in Iron City Beer as bait they might have had better results. Go Pens! Go Steelers! Go Pirates (next year).
The Penguins won the NHL draft lottery and used the first pick to select future Hall of Famer Sidney Crosby. He is supposed to be the next Mario Lemieux. How appropriate.
Even though he is going to save the team and bring multiple Stanley Cups to the city, very few people around here even know what he looks like. Here is a picture of young Sidney. Please don't run him over in your mad dash to the season ticket counter or on the way to get your #87 jersey.
The Steelers have started training camp, the first stop on the road to Super Bowl XL. That stands for "40" in football numerals. The crazy fans in this football town always look forward to this symbolic opening of the season, and this year expectations are as grand as usual. 16-0. One for the thumb. I think I saw some people tailgating at Heinz Field already.
The Pirates snuck past last Sunday's trade deadline, managing to give away only one decent player to a division rival in exchange for some guy you never heard of that was pretty good two years ago. They have officially given up on this season and are calling up players from the minor leagues. So why is everyone excited? They have unveiled the All-Star Game logo for next year. That's why. Can you say Home Run Derby into the Allegheny River?
Not to be outdone by our professional sports, the Bassmaster Classic was held in Pittsburgh last week, too. What, you say? Bass in the three rivers? I've never caught one and I don't know of anyone who has. Carp, sure. There are carp as big (and ugly) as a Toyota Prius in there. But very few bass. Case in point - the winner of the event actually had the lowest three day total weight ever, setting a Bassmaster Classic record for futility. And these were the best fisherman minds in the country.
What did they expect? Even the fish were busy paying attention to all of the sports excitement that was going on in Pittsburgh. Maybe if the so-called "Bassmasters" had used pieces of kolbassi dipped in Iron City Beer as bait they might have had better results. Go Pens! Go Steelers! Go Pirates (next year).