Friday, November 25, 2005

Operation: Black Friday

I woke before dawn this morning. The turkey and stuffing from yesterday's Thanksgiving feast were still stirring. But I was ready. The sales were just getting underway.

I was not the mastermind of this mission. That responsibility fell to the team member with much, much more experience. I am usually still asleep for a majority of this process, but not today.

We arrived at the first location a few minutes after 0600 hours. Everything went as planned. We moved on to the next objective without hesitation, securing a prime parking spot upon arrival. You can't plan for that. It was a bonus.

We forged ahead. Soon the trunk was filled with bags and boxes, the spoils of a job well done.

I knew that I wouldn't get much of the glory for the success of this mission. I was the wheelman. The transporter of purchased merchandise. The holder of a spot in line. But it was worth the effort to see the plan unfold and just be a part of it.

We arrived back at the HQ just after noon. We ate waffles and sorted receipts. We napped. We reveled in the triumph of the morning. I think the mastermind started planning for next year.

But not me. I needed to get my rest. I did more before 9:00 am than I care to do all day.

Wednesday, November 9, 2005

I Was Stabbed!!

By my salad! Who decided it would be a good idea to put sharp vegetables in there?

Was I supposed to eat all of those exotic greens? After bleeding profusely from my lips and gums? I like my iceberg lettuce, thank you. Maybe a little bit of romaine if I am feeling wild. You can keep the thorns.

I'm not sure when this idea of weird leaves in salads made it all the way down to the un-trendiest of restaurants (my salad was from a local bar & grill). But I don't like it. You get less edible contents for more money. And the nouveau salads aren't exactly delicious, either.

Frisee, the thorny weed? Radicchio, the bitter leaf? Those purple soggy things? They all taste terrible. And the newest idea is to serve dandelions in certain mixes. Are you kidding me? I spend a good bit of effort trying to eradicate those things from my yard. And now you want me to eat them? I don't think so.

But I do have an idea. Next spring I will skip the lawn fertilizer. I'll let the dandelions and other weeds grow alongside my mouth-watering mix of zoysia, fine fescue and perennial rye grasses. Then I'll charge $8.95 and you can graze in my yard all you want. Very trendy. You'll get the same junk they put in your salad at a restaurant, but it will be so fresh!

Just make sure you bring your favorite dressing. And a band-aid for your mouth.