I Was Stabbed!!

By my salad! Who decided it would be a good idea to put sharp vegetables in there?

Was I supposed to eat all of those exotic greens? After bleeding profusely from my lips and gums? I like my iceberg lettuce, thank you. Maybe a little bit of romaine if I am feeling wild. You can keep the thorns.

I'm not sure when this idea of weird leaves in salads made it all the way down to the un-trendiest of restaurants (my salad was from a local bar & grill). But I don't like it. You get less edible contents for more money. And the nouveau salads aren't exactly delicious, either.

Frisee, the thorny weed? Radicchio, the bitter leaf? Those purple soggy things? They all taste terrible. And the newest idea is to serve dandelions in certain mixes. Are you kidding me? I spend a good bit of effort trying to eradicate those things from my yard. And now you want me to eat them? I don't think so.

But I do have an idea. Next spring I will skip the lawn fertilizer. I'll let the dandelions and other weeds grow alongside my mouth-watering mix of zoysia, fine fescue and perennial rye grasses. Then I'll charge $8.95 and you can graze in my yard all you want. Very trendy. You'll get the same junk they put in your salad at a restaurant, but it will be so fresh!

Just make sure you bring your favorite dressing. And a band-aid for your mouth.