Astronauts were attaching some new pieces to the International Space Station when they lost a bolt. Two of them, actually. On back-to-back spacewalks.
A 1 1/2 inch bolt doesn't sound like a big deal, but it can really do some damage if it punctures a space suit or some fragile space equipment. Especially when everything is zipping around the earth at almost 18,000 miles per hour. Mission Control, however, is sure that the lost fasteners are floating harmlessly back into the atmosphere.
It's not like if you lost a bolt at your house. They can't just stop by Space Depot and pick up another one. Instead, in both instances, they just "used three bolts for the task instead of four."
Let me get this straight. First, they can't come up with a way to keep these things from floating away. Second, they didn't bring any extras just in case. And third, they decided to just skip one and use three bolts when the brackets are designed for four.
And they told me I couldn't be a rocket scientist.
Monday, September 18, 2006
Saturday, September 16, 2006
Tell Popeye
If the taste and texture weren't enough reason for you to not eat spinach, here comes another.
Escherichia coli O157:H7.
It sounds like a European mailing address. But it's actually the scientific name for the strain of E. coli bacteria that causes illness in humans. It has been found recently in bagged spinach, and one person has died and almost 100 have been sickened by the outbreak.
Someone tell Popeye.
It's hard to be "strong to the finich" with severe abdominal cramps lasting five to ten days. Not to mention some of the other symptoms. Looks like he may have to find another leafy green to stock up on. For me, it's just another excuse to skip the veggie and move straight to dessert.
Escherichia coli O157:H7.
It sounds like a European mailing address. But it's actually the scientific name for the strain of E. coli bacteria that causes illness in humans. It has been found recently in bagged spinach, and one person has died and almost 100 have been sickened by the outbreak.
Someone tell Popeye.
It's hard to be "strong to the finich" with severe abdominal cramps lasting five to ten days. Not to mention some of the other symptoms. Looks like he may have to find another leafy green to stock up on. For me, it's just another excuse to skip the veggie and move straight to dessert.
Tuesday, September 5, 2006
Out Of The Cellar
With today's win over the Cubs, the Pirates climbed out of last place in the NL Central Division, where they have been through the first 138 games of the season. What does this mean?
They're still playing baseball.
I did not know that. I always thought the MLB season ended when Steelers training camp started. At least since 1992. But, alas, baseball rolls on.
The Bucs are now 5th out of 6 in the division and 15th out of 16 in the National League - a mere 17.5 games back of the wildcard spot. Let's just say that there was no champagne uncorked after the final out in today's game.
But it is progress. Fourth place here we come...
They're still playing baseball.
I did not know that. I always thought the MLB season ended when Steelers training camp started. At least since 1992. But, alas, baseball rolls on.
The Bucs are now 5th out of 6 in the division and 15th out of 16 in the National League - a mere 17.5 games back of the wildcard spot. Let's just say that there was no champagne uncorked after the final out in today's game.
But it is progress. Fourth place here we come...
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Two Poles And A Mound Of Dirt
A couple of guys showed up the other day and started digging a hole in my yard. This normally would have made me angry, and I would have at least gone outside and said something. But there were two of them and one of me. And I had to go to the dentist.
When I came back, shiny clean teeth and all, the two diggers were done and gone. And there was a new addition in my front yard. A bigger, taller telephone pole was now standing right next to the old telephone pole. And a mound of dirt was at the base of both of them.
Let me first tell you that I don't even like having a single telephone pole in my yard. But I do like cable TV and having a telephone (and electricity for that matter), so we have an agreement.
The old pole seemed to be doing just fine. It's been standing in the same spot for probably 50 years, holding up bunches of wires and this lamp-looking thing that never turns on. Now it is scared about being replaced, even though nothing has been unattached yet.
The new pole is about six feet taller and almost twice as wide as the old one. Right now it's just standing there intimidating the other pole (and serving as a perch for that gigantic crow). I think the mound of dirt is just for fun.
I'm not sure why we need such a serious pole in our front yard. The old one isn't falling over or anything, so just transferring all of the wires and things to the new one gives no added benefit. Maybe they're going to install a surveillance camera on it so they can see who is throwing all of that junk in my yard. Or maybe they'll just keep putting up poles next to each other around my whole property, like a big stockade fence.
That would be cool.
Fort Sinkerbeam.
I'll let you know what happens. Right now I'm just happy about the added benefits that I'm getting from our new pole and dirt mound. Ten fewer square feet of grass that I have to cut.
When I came back, shiny clean teeth and all, the two diggers were done and gone. And there was a new addition in my front yard. A bigger, taller telephone pole was now standing right next to the old telephone pole. And a mound of dirt was at the base of both of them.
Let me first tell you that I don't even like having a single telephone pole in my yard. But I do like cable TV and having a telephone (and electricity for that matter), so we have an agreement.The old pole seemed to be doing just fine. It's been standing in the same spot for probably 50 years, holding up bunches of wires and this lamp-looking thing that never turns on. Now it is scared about being replaced, even though nothing has been unattached yet.
The new pole is about six feet taller and almost twice as wide as the old one. Right now it's just standing there intimidating the other pole (and serving as a perch for that gigantic crow). I think the mound of dirt is just for fun.
I'm not sure why we need such a serious pole in our front yard. The old one isn't falling over or anything, so just transferring all of the wires and things to the new one gives no added benefit. Maybe they're going to install a surveillance camera on it so they can see who is throwing all of that junk in my yard. Or maybe they'll just keep putting up poles next to each other around my whole property, like a big stockade fence.
That would be cool.
Fort Sinkerbeam.
I'll let you know what happens. Right now I'm just happy about the added benefits that I'm getting from our new pole and dirt mound. Ten fewer square feet of grass that I have to cut.
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Ca$h Back
The sinkerbeam blog has been called a lot of things. Useful and helpful have never been among them. But this post is different. At the very least, it may surprise you.
Don't get used to it.
I'm going to save you some money. No, really, I'm trying to be serious here.
Let's say, hypothetically, that you need to buy a new lawn mower. Let's say that your old one was either leaking or burning up oil at an alarming rate, but you didn't know this was happening. You had checked the oil at the beginning of the grass cutting season and everything was fine. So, just for the sake of argument, let's say that one day while you were running your lawn mower, the last useful drip of oil disappeared, and the scale tipped toward viscosity and thermal breakdown. The superheated piston then scored the cylinder walls and itself before seizing up, ruining a bunch of other parts inside the engine that also do important stuff.
Like I said, we'll assume that you need a new lawn mower.
Instead of just going to Sears and picking one up, head to the grocery store. Yep. Giant Eagle. They've got a fuel savings program and some gift cards that you'll need for the next step of this money saving process.
For every $50 you spend in groceries (and other assorted sundries from the store), you get 10 cents off per gallon on your next gasoline purchase. It's called "Fuel Perks" (people in Pittsburgh and the smarter parts of Ohio already know this). Gift cards count as sundries and are part of the program, so pick up a couple of $100 Sears gift cards. That's forty cents off per gallon.
Hypothetically, we'll assume your car takes 15 gallons of gas when you fill it up.
$200 mower - ($0.40 fuel perks x 15 gallons) = $194 mower
Now, if you don't have a Citi or Chase rewards credit card that gives you 5% back on grocery store and gas station purchases, go apply for one. It's important for the next equation.
$194 mower - (5% off of $200 in gift cards + (5% off total gas price (($2.80/gallon - $0.40 in fuel perks) x 15 gallons))) = $182.20 mower
See? I told you I would save you money. Even after you pay the tax, you've got more cash in your pocket than you would have if you didn't use this method. Just imagine if you had a truck that took 30 gallons of gas per fill up. And you wanted to buy a big screen TV at Best Buy for $1000.
$1000 TV - ($2.00 fuel perks x 30 gallons) - (5% off of $1000 in gift cards + (5% off total gas price (($2.80/gallon - $2.00 in fuel perks) x 30 gallons))) = $888.80 TV
Plus, Best Buy has a rewards card that gives you $5 back for every $150 you spend. You're down to $858.80 for your thousand dollar television. Trust me on the math for this one.
And you thought that the sinkerbeam blog couldn't be helpful. Shame on you.
Of course, you could always just pay the 89 cents and get a bottle of oil for your lawn mower before the breakdown occurs.
There you go. I just saved you $181.31 and a bunch of effort.
Hypothetically.
Don't get used to it.
I'm going to save you some money. No, really, I'm trying to be serious here.
Let's say, hypothetically, that you need to buy a new lawn mower. Let's say that your old one was either leaking or burning up oil at an alarming rate, but you didn't know this was happening. You had checked the oil at the beginning of the grass cutting season and everything was fine. So, just for the sake of argument, let's say that one day while you were running your lawn mower, the last useful drip of oil disappeared, and the scale tipped toward viscosity and thermal breakdown. The superheated piston then scored the cylinder walls and itself before seizing up, ruining a bunch of other parts inside the engine that also do important stuff.
Like I said, we'll assume that you need a new lawn mower.
Instead of just going to Sears and picking one up, head to the grocery store. Yep. Giant Eagle. They've got a fuel savings program and some gift cards that you'll need for the next step of this money saving process.
For every $50 you spend in groceries (and other assorted sundries from the store), you get 10 cents off per gallon on your next gasoline purchase. It's called "Fuel Perks" (people in Pittsburgh and the smarter parts of Ohio already know this). Gift cards count as sundries and are part of the program, so pick up a couple of $100 Sears gift cards. That's forty cents off per gallon.
Hypothetically, we'll assume your car takes 15 gallons of gas when you fill it up.
$200 mower - ($0.40 fuel perks x 15 gallons) = $194 mower
Now, if you don't have a Citi or Chase rewards credit card that gives you 5% back on grocery store and gas station purchases, go apply for one. It's important for the next equation.
$194 mower - (5% off of $200 in gift cards + (5% off total gas price (($2.80/gallon - $0.40 in fuel perks) x 15 gallons))) = $182.20 mower
See? I told you I would save you money. Even after you pay the tax, you've got more cash in your pocket than you would have if you didn't use this method. Just imagine if you had a truck that took 30 gallons of gas per fill up. And you wanted to buy a big screen TV at Best Buy for $1000.
$1000 TV - ($2.00 fuel perks x 30 gallons) - (5% off of $1000 in gift cards + (5% off total gas price (($2.80/gallon - $2.00 in fuel perks) x 30 gallons))) = $888.80 TV
Plus, Best Buy has a rewards card that gives you $5 back for every $150 you spend. You're down to $858.80 for your thousand dollar television. Trust me on the math for this one.
And you thought that the sinkerbeam blog couldn't be helpful. Shame on you.
Of course, you could always just pay the 89 cents and get a bottle of oil for your lawn mower before the breakdown occurs.
There you go. I just saved you $181.31 and a bunch of effort.
Hypothetically.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Posts Update IV
No Checks In The Mail
For some reason my mail now doesn't show up until around 5:00 pm. I'm not sure if this has anything to do with my decision to pay all of my bills online (which is still going splendidly), but it is not cool.
Rabbit Stew
Toby has been saved! It looks like the folks at bored.com have stepped in and taken over savetoby.com, sparing the rabbit's life and compensating his owners for their trouble. Oh, well. No Lapin Braisé.
The Replacements
As I was driving home from work at 2:00 am in the pouring rain, the alternator in the Corsica decided to give out. The radio played only static, the lights dimmed, and the windshield wipers went into slow motion. I turned off all unnecessary systems and made it home. With a brand-spanking factory rebuilt alternator in it now, the Corsica is like new. Well, you know what I mean.
Lawn Care
Since the last update, I have found a Q-tip and a cable wrap that signifies "Verizon FIOS" fiber optic line in my yard. So that's what those five trucks have been up to for the past few weeks. Of course, FIOS is not yet available in my neighborhood. Soon, though, I'm sure that all of the old people that live near me will be willing to plunk down $50 a month for lightning fast access to the internet.
Purple Tape
The trial of Beverly Coon has been moved to September 13th because of a scheduling conflict. Apparently a key witness has a vacation coming up that has already been booked. Justice postponed for a trip to the beach! Whatever. No word yet on whether Mr. Grimm can be in the same room as a ladylock.
Stop Turning Left
Ben Roethlisberger is back in the public eye after his accident, looking pretty much like the old Big Ben. He was fined $388 for riding without a valid license and riding without a helmet. Steelers Training Camp starts at the end of this week - then we'll know if he is really back. I've heard that the Cincinnati Bengals are looking into signing a Chrysler New Yorker to play inside linebacker.
Again With The Chocolate Lasagna?
The response to my Chocolate Lasagna post has been overwhelming. People that I don't even know from all over the country have been coming forward with their own stories and showing their support. So I took my frustration to the next level and shared my comments with the Olive Garden through their website. I just got a response; Erich says that they "understand my disappointment" and "have documented [my] preference for Chocolate Lasagna for future consideration." And they're sending me a gift card so that I can try to find a new favorite.
I plan on using the gift card as soon as Chocolate Lasagna returns to the menu.
For some reason my mail now doesn't show up until around 5:00 pm. I'm not sure if this has anything to do with my decision to pay all of my bills online (which is still going splendidly), but it is not cool.
Rabbit Stew
Toby has been saved! It looks like the folks at bored.com have stepped in and taken over savetoby.com, sparing the rabbit's life and compensating his owners for their trouble. Oh, well. No Lapin Braisé.
The Replacements
As I was driving home from work at 2:00 am in the pouring rain, the alternator in the Corsica decided to give out. The radio played only static, the lights dimmed, and the windshield wipers went into slow motion. I turned off all unnecessary systems and made it home. With a brand-spanking factory rebuilt alternator in it now, the Corsica is like new. Well, you know what I mean.
Lawn Care
Since the last update, I have found a Q-tip and a cable wrap that signifies "Verizon FIOS" fiber optic line in my yard. So that's what those five trucks have been up to for the past few weeks. Of course, FIOS is not yet available in my neighborhood. Soon, though, I'm sure that all of the old people that live near me will be willing to plunk down $50 a month for lightning fast access to the internet.
Purple Tape
The trial of Beverly Coon has been moved to September 13th because of a scheduling conflict. Apparently a key witness has a vacation coming up that has already been booked. Justice postponed for a trip to the beach! Whatever. No word yet on whether Mr. Grimm can be in the same room as a ladylock.
Stop Turning Left
Ben Roethlisberger is back in the public eye after his accident, looking pretty much like the old Big Ben. He was fined $388 for riding without a valid license and riding without a helmet. Steelers Training Camp starts at the end of this week - then we'll know if he is really back. I've heard that the Cincinnati Bengals are looking into signing a Chrysler New Yorker to play inside linebacker.
Again With The Chocolate Lasagna?
The response to my Chocolate Lasagna post has been overwhelming. People that I don't even know from all over the country have been coming forward with their own stories and showing their support. So I took my frustration to the next level and shared my comments with the Olive Garden through their website. I just got a response; Erich says that they "understand my disappointment" and "have documented [my] preference for Chocolate Lasagna for future consideration." And they're sending me a gift card so that I can try to find a new favorite.
I plan on using the gift card as soon as Chocolate Lasagna returns to the menu.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Crazy Running Lady
Every now and then on my way to or from work, I see a very interesting individual. On a gigantic hill that is about 2 1/2 miles from my house, there is a woman who runs along the side of the road.
I know that this is not unusual. People are running all over the place, getting in shape for no good reason. The unusual part is the runner herself.
She is always dressed in corporate attire while she is running. Corporate attire from the late 1970's to be exact. I have seen her running in blouses, skirts, slacks, and even pantyhose. Sometimes she has a raincoat on. Sometimes she is carrying a shoulder bag or an umbrella. And she is always wearing dress shoes.
I'm pretty sure that she isn't running away from anything. And she probably isn't constantly late for the bus, since I have seen her going in different directions and on opposite sides of the street. So I guess that she must be running for exercise.
And make no mistake, she is running. Full speed. And she zigs and zags onto and off of the road itself. I don't know if she is working on her dexterity or what, but she crosses the white line on the side of the street like she is doing a pavement slalom.
She startled me the first few times that I saw her. That particular road isn't the safest place to burn some calories, and the grade of the hill would challenge many a professional athlete. I was just trying not to hit her with my car. But it became interesting after a while, seeing this skinny woman with Coke bottle glasses darting in and out of the three feet of berm that exists on the side of the road. All while being dressed up for a meeting with the client.
At some point I started shouting "crazy running lady! woooo!" when I would see her. It was like tapping the windshield when you go through a yellow light - I did it for luck every time she appeared.
Why "crazy running lady"? Well, she's crazy. I wouldn't go anywhere near that road as a pedestrian, let alone wearing a button-down shirt and wingtips. And she runs. And she's a lady.
Not the most inventive title, I know, but it pretty much sums up the character.
At one point on the way home, I saw a couple of police cars and an ambulance parked halfway up the hill. I thought that it might be crazy running lady. Maybe she zigged when she should have zagged. But it wasn't her. It was some kid that looked like he fell off his skateboard. (For the record, he was not wearing dress clothes).
A few weeks ago, I was driving through my neighborhood and I spotted someone running along the side of the road. I really didn't think anything of it, until this person made an abrupt step onto the street in front of my car. It was crazy running lady! She had run for miles and made a right turn to get there. And she was wearing a matching track suit and running shoes. What the heck was going on?
I didn't even have time to yell her name for luck. I wasn't ready for her to be there, so far away from her normal stomping grounds.
Had she heard me exclaim "crazy running lady" at some point even though my windows were up? And did she follow me home one day to argue about her sanity and/or riddle the Corsica with dents from her umbrella? I never thought to look in the rear view mirror after I would pass her on the hill - maybe she can run really, really fast.
As it turns out, nothing happened. She just kept on running.
I never found out what she was doing in my neighborhood that day. In fact, I haven't seen her at all since then. Maybe she found nirvana in her outfit that was made especially for running and she just kept on going.
If so, she's probably in South Carolina by now.
Go, crazy running lady, go.
I know that this is not unusual. People are running all over the place, getting in shape for no good reason. The unusual part is the runner herself.
She is always dressed in corporate attire while she is running. Corporate attire from the late 1970's to be exact. I have seen her running in blouses, skirts, slacks, and even pantyhose. Sometimes she has a raincoat on. Sometimes she is carrying a shoulder bag or an umbrella. And she is always wearing dress shoes.
I'm pretty sure that she isn't running away from anything. And she probably isn't constantly late for the bus, since I have seen her going in different directions and on opposite sides of the street. So I guess that she must be running for exercise.
And make no mistake, she is running. Full speed. And she zigs and zags onto and off of the road itself. I don't know if she is working on her dexterity or what, but she crosses the white line on the side of the street like she is doing a pavement slalom.
She startled me the first few times that I saw her. That particular road isn't the safest place to burn some calories, and the grade of the hill would challenge many a professional athlete. I was just trying not to hit her with my car. But it became interesting after a while, seeing this skinny woman with Coke bottle glasses darting in and out of the three feet of berm that exists on the side of the road. All while being dressed up for a meeting with the client.
At some point I started shouting "crazy running lady! woooo!" when I would see her. It was like tapping the windshield when you go through a yellow light - I did it for luck every time she appeared.
Why "crazy running lady"? Well, she's crazy. I wouldn't go anywhere near that road as a pedestrian, let alone wearing a button-down shirt and wingtips. And she runs. And she's a lady.
Not the most inventive title, I know, but it pretty much sums up the character.
At one point on the way home, I saw a couple of police cars and an ambulance parked halfway up the hill. I thought that it might be crazy running lady. Maybe she zigged when she should have zagged. But it wasn't her. It was some kid that looked like he fell off his skateboard. (For the record, he was not wearing dress clothes).
A few weeks ago, I was driving through my neighborhood and I spotted someone running along the side of the road. I really didn't think anything of it, until this person made an abrupt step onto the street in front of my car. It was crazy running lady! She had run for miles and made a right turn to get there. And she was wearing a matching track suit and running shoes. What the heck was going on?
I didn't even have time to yell her name for luck. I wasn't ready for her to be there, so far away from her normal stomping grounds.
Had she heard me exclaim "crazy running lady" at some point even though my windows were up? And did she follow me home one day to argue about her sanity and/or riddle the Corsica with dents from her umbrella? I never thought to look in the rear view mirror after I would pass her on the hill - maybe she can run really, really fast.
As it turns out, nothing happened. She just kept on running.
I never found out what she was doing in my neighborhood that day. In fact, I haven't seen her at all since then. Maybe she found nirvana in her outfit that was made especially for running and she just kept on going.
If so, she's probably in South Carolina by now.
Go, crazy running lady, go.
Monday, July 3, 2006
Again With The Chocolate Lasagna?
All right, Olive Garden. What is the deal with taking Chocolate Lasagna off of the menu again?
I thought we already figured this whole thing out about a year ago, when you first decided to remove the best dessert ever made (by an Italian-themed chain restaurant) from your list of offerings. I contacted you through the website. I called the 800 number. I wrote petition chain letter emails.
Chocolate Lasagna came back.
For a limited time, I guess.
During my latest visit to your restaurant, I asked if you still had the Chocolate Lasagna as soon as we sat down. Ever since the first time it disappeared, I feel that I must ask about its status upon arrival, as I am suspicious of your continuous "updates" to the dessert menu. And rightfully so. When the server told me that it wasn't available, I thought it was some kind of cruel joke. Again with the Chocolate Lasagna? You can't be serious.
She was not kidding. And to tell you the truth, I don't think she could believe it either.
I almost got right up and walked out when I heard the news. I don't have to subject myself to that kind of ridiculousness. And I would have, too. But I was with my wife. And I was hungry. And we had a gift card.
Next time, Olive Garden, you won't be so lucky.
Chocolate Lasagna is the whole reason that I visit your establishment. Do you think I come in just so I can pay $9.50 for some spaghetti? Why would any restaurant decide to take the best thing on their menu off of it?
I'm not impressed with its replacement, either. Chocolate gelato? It's just ice cream, people. Topped with some chocolate chunks that should instead be on a piece of Chocolate Lasagna. Nice try.
They've pushed me to my limit again. I'm boycotting the Olive Garden until Chocolate Lasagna is reinstated. Please join me.
Or at least sign my petition chain letter email. And send it to 10 of your friends.
I thought we already figured this whole thing out about a year ago, when you first decided to remove the best dessert ever made (by an Italian-themed chain restaurant) from your list of offerings. I contacted you through the website. I called the 800 number. I wrote petition chain letter emails.
Chocolate Lasagna came back.
For a limited time, I guess.
During my latest visit to your restaurant, I asked if you still had the Chocolate Lasagna as soon as we sat down. Ever since the first time it disappeared, I feel that I must ask about its status upon arrival, as I am suspicious of your continuous "updates" to the dessert menu. And rightfully so. When the server told me that it wasn't available, I thought it was some kind of cruel joke. Again with the Chocolate Lasagna? You can't be serious.
She was not kidding. And to tell you the truth, I don't think she could believe it either.
I almost got right up and walked out when I heard the news. I don't have to subject myself to that kind of ridiculousness. And I would have, too. But I was with my wife. And I was hungry. And we had a gift card.
Next time, Olive Garden, you won't be so lucky.
Chocolate Lasagna is the whole reason that I visit your establishment. Do you think I come in just so I can pay $9.50 for some spaghetti? Why would any restaurant decide to take the best thing on their menu off of it?
I'm not impressed with its replacement, either. Chocolate gelato? It's just ice cream, people. Topped with some chocolate chunks that should instead be on a piece of Chocolate Lasagna. Nice try.
They've pushed me to my limit again. I'm boycotting the Olive Garden until Chocolate Lasagna is reinstated. Please join me.
Or at least sign my petition chain letter email. And send it to 10 of your friends.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Stop Turning Left
It's hard to make Terry Bradshaw look like Nostradamus. But Ben Roethlisberger has found a way.
In case you have been too engrossed in World Cup soccer to notice, Big Ben was in an accident yesterday just before noon. He ran into a car with his motorcycle while riding helmetless through the streets of Pittsburgh. His bike appears totaled, and the car and street still show signs of where the Super Bowl winning quarterback impacted them, breaking his face and popping loose a few chiclets. He was in serious but stable condition and underwent around 7 hours of surgery to get put back together.
You would think that a professional athlete who uses his body to make millions of dollars might be a bit more careful with his tools of the trade. Especially after all of the controversy last year about his decision to ride at all, let alone without a helmet.
People are blaming the recently changed helmet law in Pennsylvania, which allows some motorcycle riders to forego protective headgear. But the fact is, Ben did not qualify for the "sans helmet" part of the law. A person actually must have 2 years experience riding or must have taken an approved motorcycle safety course to be able to ride without a helmet. Ben does not, and did not. In fact, from the latest information it looks like he shouldn't have been riding at all. His motorcycle learner's permit expired 3 months ago.
Even so, and much to the chagrin of NASCAR, the entire population of Pittsburgh has decided to stop turning left. Just in case their knucklehead, helmetless NFL quarterback on his crotch rocket happens to be coming the other way. He may not be smart enough to protect himself, but the fans will do it for him. He is a necessary piece to the Steelers winning another Super Bowl next year. And turning left is overrated anyway, as it is merely a dangerous way to complete 3 consecutive right turns.
You've all got a few more days to get your new directions to work figured out. After that, Ben may be released from the hospital, and unless this incident knocked some sense into him, he may be coming to an intersection near you.
Knucklehead.
In case you have been too engrossed in World Cup soccer to notice, Big Ben was in an accident yesterday just before noon. He ran into a car with his motorcycle while riding helmetless through the streets of Pittsburgh. His bike appears totaled, and the car and street still show signs of where the Super Bowl winning quarterback impacted them, breaking his face and popping loose a few chiclets. He was in serious but stable condition and underwent around 7 hours of surgery to get put back together.
You would think that a professional athlete who uses his body to make millions of dollars might be a bit more careful with his tools of the trade. Especially after all of the controversy last year about his decision to ride at all, let alone without a helmet.
People are blaming the recently changed helmet law in Pennsylvania, which allows some motorcycle riders to forego protective headgear. But the fact is, Ben did not qualify for the "sans helmet" part of the law. A person actually must have 2 years experience riding or must have taken an approved motorcycle safety course to be able to ride without a helmet. Ben does not, and did not. In fact, from the latest information it looks like he shouldn't have been riding at all. His motorcycle learner's permit expired 3 months ago.
Even so, and much to the chagrin of NASCAR, the entire population of Pittsburgh has decided to stop turning left. Just in case their knucklehead, helmetless NFL quarterback on his crotch rocket happens to be coming the other way. He may not be smart enough to protect himself, but the fans will do it for him. He is a necessary piece to the Steelers winning another Super Bowl next year. And turning left is overrated anyway, as it is merely a dangerous way to complete 3 consecutive right turns.
You've all got a few more days to get your new directions to work figured out. After that, Ben may be released from the hospital, and unless this incident knocked some sense into him, he may be coming to an intersection near you.
Knucklehead.
Friday, June 9, 2006
Kennywood's Open
Summertime in Pittsburgh means at least one visit to Kennywood.
If you've never heard of it, you're missing out; Kennywood is a local amusement park that is full of fun for everyone. It's got roller coasters, games, water rides, greasy park food, and Kiddieland.
It also has geniuses in the marketing department.
About this time each year, schools in the area have a Kennywood Picnic - an allotted day for their district to visit the park. Tickets are actually sold during school hours. Some districts even have a half day of school so the kids can get to Kennywood early. The students and faculty come and bring their parents and relatives, and everyone spends money there. Genius.
I can't think of any other business that has this type of agreement for the use of their product. It's a school mandated activity for goodness sake! Could you see having an early dismissal from school to go play paintball or something? Highly unlikely. Well, maybe in West Virginia.
The school picnics wind down in June, but don't fear. The marketing department has come up with other park-fillers.
There are Community Days for local townships and boroughs. Businesses have company picnics at the park. There are church group get-togethers and family reunions and even a Girl Scouts' day. And there are Heritage Days, too, when booths are set up with cultural information and pastimes, and ethnic food is available. Can you imagine thousands of Slovaks crowding the park, eating haluski and riding the tilt-a-whirl? It's pretty wild.
And at the end of the season, everything comes full circle, as local school districts are invited to have their bands march in nightly parades.
Oh, yeah. There are other people that come to Kennywood, too. People who pay full price and are not attached to any group, school or nationality that has a day. Or so I've heard. But there are no exclusive picnics - anyone can come on any given day. Once again, genius.
Still, the park wouldn't get many visitors if it wasn't fun. It is a great time.
I'm actually going to Kennywood tomorrow. I think it's blogger's day, or Corsica owners day.
Or something like that.
If you've never heard of it, you're missing out; Kennywood is a local amusement park that is full of fun for everyone. It's got roller coasters, games, water rides, greasy park food, and Kiddieland.
It also has geniuses in the marketing department.
About this time each year, schools in the area have a Kennywood Picnic - an allotted day for their district to visit the park. Tickets are actually sold during school hours. Some districts even have a half day of school so the kids can get to Kennywood early. The students and faculty come and bring their parents and relatives, and everyone spends money there. Genius.
I can't think of any other business that has this type of agreement for the use of their product. It's a school mandated activity for goodness sake! Could you see having an early dismissal from school to go play paintball or something? Highly unlikely. Well, maybe in West Virginia.
The school picnics wind down in June, but don't fear. The marketing department has come up with other park-fillers.
There are Community Days for local townships and boroughs. Businesses have company picnics at the park. There are church group get-togethers and family reunions and even a Girl Scouts' day. And there are Heritage Days, too, when booths are set up with cultural information and pastimes, and ethnic food is available. Can you imagine thousands of Slovaks crowding the park, eating haluski and riding the tilt-a-whirl? It's pretty wild.
And at the end of the season, everything comes full circle, as local school districts are invited to have their bands march in nightly parades.
Oh, yeah. There are other people that come to Kennywood, too. People who pay full price and are not attached to any group, school or nationality that has a day. Or so I've heard. But there are no exclusive picnics - anyone can come on any given day. Once again, genius.
Still, the park wouldn't get many visitors if it wasn't fun. It is a great time.
I'm actually going to Kennywood tomorrow. I think it's blogger's day, or Corsica owners day.
Or something like that.