It's hard to make Terry Bradshaw look like Nostradamus. But Ben Roethlisberger has found a way.
In case you have been too engrossed in World Cup soccer to notice, Big Ben was in an accident yesterday just before noon. He ran into a car with his motorcycle while riding helmetless through the streets of Pittsburgh. His bike appears totaled, and the car and street still show signs of where the Super Bowl winning quarterback impacted them, breaking his face and popping loose a few chiclets. He was in serious but stable condition and underwent around 7 hours of surgery to get put back together.
You would think that a professional athlete who uses his body to make millions of dollars might be a bit more careful with his tools of the trade. Especially after all of the controversy last year about his decision to ride at all, let alone without a helmet.
People are blaming the recently changed helmet law in Pennsylvania, which allows some motorcycle riders to forego protective headgear. But the fact is, Ben did not qualify for the "sans helmet" part of the law. A person actually must have 2 years experience riding or must have taken an approved motorcycle safety course to be able to ride without a helmet. Ben does not, and did not. In fact, from the latest information it looks like he shouldn't have been riding at all. His motorcycle learner's permit expired 3 months ago.
Even so, and much to the chagrin of NASCAR, the entire population of Pittsburgh has decided to stop turning left. Just in case their knucklehead, helmetless NFL quarterback on his crotch rocket happens to be coming the other way. He may not be smart enough to protect himself, but the fans will do it for him. He is a necessary piece to the Steelers winning another Super Bowl next year. And turning left is overrated anyway, as it is merely a dangerous way to complete 3 consecutive right turns.
You've all got a few more days to get your new directions to work figured out. After that, Ben may be released from the hospital, and unless this incident knocked some sense into him, he may be coming to an intersection near you.
Knucklehead.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Friday, June 9, 2006
Kennywood's Open
Summertime in Pittsburgh means at least one visit to Kennywood.
If you've never heard of it, you're missing out; Kennywood is a local amusement park that is full of fun for everyone. It's got roller coasters, games, water rides, greasy park food, and Kiddieland.
It also has geniuses in the marketing department.
About this time each year, schools in the area have a Kennywood Picnic - an allotted day for their district to visit the park. Tickets are actually sold during school hours. Some districts even have a half day of school so the kids can get to Kennywood early. The students and faculty come and bring their parents and relatives, and everyone spends money there. Genius.
I can't think of any other business that has this type of agreement for the use of their product. It's a school mandated activity for goodness sake! Could you see having an early dismissal from school to go play paintball or something? Highly unlikely. Well, maybe in West Virginia.
The school picnics wind down in June, but don't fear. The marketing department has come up with other park-fillers.
There are Community Days for local townships and boroughs. Businesses have company picnics at the park. There are church group get-togethers and family reunions and even a Girl Scouts' day. And there are Heritage Days, too, when booths are set up with cultural information and pastimes, and ethnic food is available. Can you imagine thousands of Slovaks crowding the park, eating haluski and riding the tilt-a-whirl? It's pretty wild.
And at the end of the season, everything comes full circle, as local school districts are invited to have their bands march in nightly parades.
Oh, yeah. There are other people that come to Kennywood, too. People who pay full price and are not attached to any group, school or nationality that has a day. Or so I've heard. But there are no exclusive picnics - anyone can come on any given day. Once again, genius.
Still, the park wouldn't get many visitors if it wasn't fun. It is a great time.
I'm actually going to Kennywood tomorrow. I think it's blogger's day, or Corsica owners day.
Or something like that.
If you've never heard of it, you're missing out; Kennywood is a local amusement park that is full of fun for everyone. It's got roller coasters, games, water rides, greasy park food, and Kiddieland.
It also has geniuses in the marketing department.
About this time each year, schools in the area have a Kennywood Picnic - an allotted day for their district to visit the park. Tickets are actually sold during school hours. Some districts even have a half day of school so the kids can get to Kennywood early. The students and faculty come and bring their parents and relatives, and everyone spends money there. Genius.
I can't think of any other business that has this type of agreement for the use of their product. It's a school mandated activity for goodness sake! Could you see having an early dismissal from school to go play paintball or something? Highly unlikely. Well, maybe in West Virginia.
The school picnics wind down in June, but don't fear. The marketing department has come up with other park-fillers.
There are Community Days for local townships and boroughs. Businesses have company picnics at the park. There are church group get-togethers and family reunions and even a Girl Scouts' day. And there are Heritage Days, too, when booths are set up with cultural information and pastimes, and ethnic food is available. Can you imagine thousands of Slovaks crowding the park, eating haluski and riding the tilt-a-whirl? It's pretty wild.
And at the end of the season, everything comes full circle, as local school districts are invited to have their bands march in nightly parades.
Oh, yeah. There are other people that come to Kennywood, too. People who pay full price and are not attached to any group, school or nationality that has a day. Or so I've heard. But there are no exclusive picnics - anyone can come on any given day. Once again, genius.
Still, the park wouldn't get many visitors if it wasn't fun. It is a great time.
I'm actually going to Kennywood tomorrow. I think it's blogger's day, or Corsica owners day.
Or something like that.
Saturday, May 27, 2006
A Pack Of Dumb
At the end of last week, a middle school girl from a local district was suspended for three days for sharing her gum. I'm not kidding. It wasn't just any gum, though. It was Jolt gum. With caffeine in it.
Caffeine? So what?
Well, the Burrell School District has a problem with it. They have a zero tolerance drug policy, and "products acting as a stimulant are prohibited," according to Superintendent Amy Palermo.
Apparently they also have a zero tolerance policy in regards to common sense.
Jolt gum is "a stimulant that has no other redeeming quality," Palermo stated. Uhh...what? If it also whitened your teeth while you chewed it, would the girl have only gotten a one day suspension? And who gets to decide on what exactly a redeeming quality might be?
Plus, the girl was sharing. I thought that was a good thing. Sesame Street has been going on and on about how important it is to share for as long as I can remember.
Am I to believe that caffeinated coffee and tea and soft drinks are also prohibited in the school district? And what about chocolate? I think that a lunch monitor could walk around the cafeteria passing out suspensions at will. Especially around Halloween and Easter.
"So your Mom packed you a Mountain Dew and a Hershey's bar? Sorry, but you're out of here. We'll see you in a week. We have a zero tolerance policy, you know."
I bet that this girl will, at the very least, get a few free cases of Jolt gum. I mean, had you even heard of it until this incident? Now this news story is everywhere.
I wonder how many pieces of gum a middle school kid can chew in three days. And without having to share any of it...
Caffeine? So what?
Well, the Burrell School District has a problem with it. They have a zero tolerance drug policy, and "products acting as a stimulant are prohibited," according to Superintendent Amy Palermo.
Apparently they also have a zero tolerance policy in regards to common sense.
Jolt gum is "a stimulant that has no other redeeming quality," Palermo stated. Uhh...what? If it also whitened your teeth while you chewed it, would the girl have only gotten a one day suspension? And who gets to decide on what exactly a redeeming quality might be?
Plus, the girl was sharing. I thought that was a good thing. Sesame Street has been going on and on about how important it is to share for as long as I can remember.
Am I to believe that caffeinated coffee and tea and soft drinks are also prohibited in the school district? And what about chocolate? I think that a lunch monitor could walk around the cafeteria passing out suspensions at will. Especially around Halloween and Easter.
"So your Mom packed you a Mountain Dew and a Hershey's bar? Sorry, but you're out of here. We'll see you in a week. We have a zero tolerance policy, you know."
I bet that this girl will, at the very least, get a few free cases of Jolt gum. I mean, had you even heard of it until this incident? Now this news story is everywhere.
I wonder how many pieces of gum a middle school kid can chew in three days. And without having to share any of it...
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
The End Is The Beginning
It's been a while...
I know.
The past few months have been full of downs and ups.
My Grandfather passed away at the end of January. I come from a very close family and it has been tough.
A month and a half later my daughter was born.
Sometimes an end is a beginning.
I have been keeping up with the baby's blog, but posting an update on the sinkerbeam blog moved down on my list of priorities - to right before dusting the family room, actually.
Coming soon on this site, however, you'll find everything you used to expect from the sinkerbeam blog. It may be in smaller pieces and at intermittent times, or as just a reaction to something that has happened, but it will be there. All of the sarcasm. The ridiculous commentaries. The complete randomness.
Since my last post I watched the Steelers win the Super Bowl. That was blogworthy. But there is no point in going back. I've decided to start here and move forward.
This will be a new beginning.
Stay tuned.
Right now, however, I've got a family room to clean...
I know.
The past few months have been full of downs and ups.
My Grandfather passed away at the end of January. I come from a very close family and it has been tough.
A month and a half later my daughter was born.
Sometimes an end is a beginning.
I have been keeping up with the baby's blog, but posting an update on the sinkerbeam blog moved down on my list of priorities - to right before dusting the family room, actually.
Coming soon on this site, however, you'll find everything you used to expect from the sinkerbeam blog. It may be in smaller pieces and at intermittent times, or as just a reaction to something that has happened, but it will be there. All of the sarcasm. The ridiculous commentaries. The complete randomness.
Since my last post I watched the Steelers win the Super Bowl. That was blogworthy. But there is no point in going back. I've decided to start here and move forward.
This will be a new beginning.
Stay tuned.
Right now, however, I've got a family room to clean...
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Relative Humidity
For maximum comfort, the humidity level in your home should be between 30 and 50 percent. For Christmas, we were given a digital thermometer/hygrometer. We found out that the humidity on the main floor of our house measures 20 percent.
I didn't think that number was too awful bad. Until I read in the manual that the lowest number the hygrometer can show is 20. The actual humidity could very well be 19 percent. Or 3 percent.
Appropriately, we were also given a humidifier for Christmas. It now sits in the bedroom. We have it cranked up to combat the dryness.
At the same time, our basement is cold and, well, very basement-like. There is a dehumidifier down there. We have it cranked up to combat the dampness.
Yes, you heard correctly. We are now using electricity to add moisture into the air upstairs while we remove it from the air downstairs.
Sometimes I take the water from the dehumidifier tank and put it directly into the humidifier tank. It's like we have our own ecosystem going on. Guided by a hygrometer. Measured in kilowatt-hours.
I didn't think that number was too awful bad. Until I read in the manual that the lowest number the hygrometer can show is 20. The actual humidity could very well be 19 percent. Or 3 percent.
Appropriately, we were also given a humidifier for Christmas. It now sits in the bedroom. We have it cranked up to combat the dryness.
At the same time, our basement is cold and, well, very basement-like. There is a dehumidifier down there. We have it cranked up to combat the dampness.
Yes, you heard correctly. We are now using electricity to add moisture into the air upstairs while we remove it from the air downstairs.
Sometimes I take the water from the dehumidifier tank and put it directly into the humidifier tank. It's like we have our own ecosystem going on. Guided by a hygrometer. Measured in kilowatt-hours.
Friday, January 6, 2006
The Fruit Of Commitment
It's that time of year again! Clementine season.
What did you think I was talking about?
The clementine is an interesting fruit. It is actually a cross between a sweet orange and a Chinese mandarin that is imported from Spain, Morocco or North Africa. So it has a little bit of a world diversity/Benetton thing going on.
The most obvious oddity about the clementine is that you can't buy just one of them. Clementines are only sold by the crate. There are like 30 of them in there. Why do I have to purchase an entire tree full of fruit at one time?
They aren't that much smaller than regular oranges. But they are much, much bigger than grapes (the only other mainstream fruit that must be bought in bulk). They are clementines. You'd better really want a whole bunch of them. Stay away if you are unsure. They are the fruit of commitment.
Once you get them home you are completely focused on that crate. All other fruit is forgotten about, as you realize that you must consume 2 or 3 clementines every day for the next few weeks. Just so you know what you're getting into.
And don't get me started about that plastic orange netting that they put over the top. It is magical. Every single clementine looks perfect through that net, so it is hard to pick out a good crate. They could probably hide a lime in there and you would have no idea until you got home.
All this being said, clementines do have an upside. They have a sweet citrus taste, are easy to peel and have very few or no seeds. Plus there's that song...
Now that I think about it, I should start giving out clementines as wedding gifts. They're unique. They're fun. They could last throughout the entire honeymoon. Newlyweds need something to put in all those glass bowls...
What? I think it's a good idea. There is a matrimonial tie-in...
They are the fruit of commitment.
I had to buy a whole stinkin' crate of them.
What did you think I was talking about?
The clementine is an interesting fruit. It is actually a cross between a sweet orange and a Chinese mandarin that is imported from Spain, Morocco or North Africa. So it has a little bit of a world diversity/Benetton thing going on.
The most obvious oddity about the clementine is that you can't buy just one of them. Clementines are only sold by the crate. There are like 30 of them in there. Why do I have to purchase an entire tree full of fruit at one time?
They aren't that much smaller than regular oranges. But they are much, much bigger than grapes (the only other mainstream fruit that must be bought in bulk). They are clementines. You'd better really want a whole bunch of them. Stay away if you are unsure. They are the fruit of commitment.
Once you get them home you are completely focused on that crate. All other fruit is forgotten about, as you realize that you must consume 2 or 3 clementines every day for the next few weeks. Just so you know what you're getting into.
And don't get me started about that plastic orange netting that they put over the top. It is magical. Every single clementine looks perfect through that net, so it is hard to pick out a good crate. They could probably hide a lime in there and you would have no idea until you got home.
All this being said, clementines do have an upside. They have a sweet citrus taste, are easy to peel and have very few or no seeds. Plus there's that song...
Now that I think about it, I should start giving out clementines as wedding gifts. They're unique. They're fun. They could last throughout the entire honeymoon. Newlyweds need something to put in all those glass bowls...
What? I think it's a good idea. There is a matrimonial tie-in...
They are the fruit of commitment.
I had to buy a whole stinkin' crate of them.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
The Dentist
I had to call and cancel my dentist appointment this morning. That may have been a mistake. It was just a cleaning and check up, but you know how it goes...
They are going to try to squeeze me in sometime in the morning on February 10, 2011. I'm supposed to brush and floss regularly in the mean time.
I'll see what I can do.
Does this mean I have to go out and purchase a new toothbrush? Do they even sell them at the store? I thought the only place you could get one is in the drawer in Dr. Ted's office, right next to the mini dispenser of floss and the stickers.
I guess I could just pretend that I have an emergency - then they would have to take me, right? Aaahh! I need to come in right now! Fire up the spinning toothbrush and that saliva sucking tube thing! It's been six months since my last visit!
No wonder 4 out of 5 dentists recommend keeping an appointment once you've scheduled it.
They are going to try to squeeze me in sometime in the morning on February 10, 2011. I'm supposed to brush and floss regularly in the mean time.
I'll see what I can do.
Does this mean I have to go out and purchase a new toothbrush? Do they even sell them at the store? I thought the only place you could get one is in the drawer in Dr. Ted's office, right next to the mini dispenser of floss and the stickers.
I guess I could just pretend that I have an emergency - then they would have to take me, right? Aaahh! I need to come in right now! Fire up the spinning toothbrush and that saliva sucking tube thing! It's been six months since my last visit!
No wonder 4 out of 5 dentists recommend keeping an appointment once you've scheduled it.
Monday, December 12, 2005
Posts Update III
The Replacements
When I turned the furnace on for the first time this year nothing much happened. The pilot lit and that's about it. After some troubleshooting (not by me), it turned out that we needed a new gas valve. It is now back to normal.
Then the battery for our new digital camera was recalled. Apparently there was a chance that it could short out, overheat and melt, "posing a potential hazard to consumers." But this was the easiest of the replacements so far. I was sent a new one for free, complete with packaging to return the old one. For free.
Not Working Out
An oversight in my decision to dispose of the weight bench was realized last week after our first substantial snowfall of the season. When I came inside from shoveling, there was no weight bench on which to hang my wet coat, scarf, hat and gloves. Luckily, we still have the treadmill. It works just as well.
Lawn Care
Since the last update I have found a Nokia cell phone battery and a bag of Doritos on my lawn. The battery was cracked and the bag was empty. I'm still waiting for something useful to show up.
4-9-18-51-54 Powerball 10
The winning numbers for October 19th's record setting $340 million Powerball jackpot were 7, 21, 43, 44 and 49, and the Powerball was 29. You didn't win. These people did. You are one dollar (or more) lighter. Kind of like I said...
When I turned the furnace on for the first time this year nothing much happened. The pilot lit and that's about it. After some troubleshooting (not by me), it turned out that we needed a new gas valve. It is now back to normal.
Then the battery for our new digital camera was recalled. Apparently there was a chance that it could short out, overheat and melt, "posing a potential hazard to consumers." But this was the easiest of the replacements so far. I was sent a new one for free, complete with packaging to return the old one. For free.
Not Working Out
An oversight in my decision to dispose of the weight bench was realized last week after our first substantial snowfall of the season. When I came inside from shoveling, there was no weight bench on which to hang my wet coat, scarf, hat and gloves. Luckily, we still have the treadmill. It works just as well.
Lawn Care
Since the last update I have found a Nokia cell phone battery and a bag of Doritos on my lawn. The battery was cracked and the bag was empty. I'm still waiting for something useful to show up.
4-9-18-51-54 Powerball 10
The winning numbers for October 19th's record setting $340 million Powerball jackpot were 7, 21, 43, 44 and 49, and the Powerball was 29. You didn't win. These people did. You are one dollar (or more) lighter. Kind of like I said...
Friday, December 2, 2005
Three-Oh
It's official. I'm 30 years old. But what does that really mean?
I don't know.
It isn't like I woke up this morning and felt any different than any other day. I guess 30 has been creeping up on me for a while.
My hair is thinning out on top and getting thicker everywhere else. I get a 5 o'clock shadow at about 8:30 am. I can hurt myself by just getting out of bed or walking up the stairs the wrong way, and it takes twice as long to recover from every injury. And I would look silly in the latest trendy outfits if I cared to ever try them on.
But worst of all (and I never thought it would happen this soon), I can't stand to listen to today's popular rock music. I just don't appreciate someone screaming into a microphone. What are they so angry about? And why are they wearing so much eye makeup? Is that what my music sounds like to people older than me?
Oh, well. I'm getting old. I knew that someday I would get to this point.
There are many people who have done amazing things and had great success in their lives before they turned 30. Alexander Graham Bell. Tiger Woods. Ryan Seacrest. But I never wanted any international attention or critical acclaim.
I really only hoped for one thing by my 30th birthday, and I can tell you that I got my wish.
I'm still around.
And isn't that enough?
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have an appointment with a man about a red sports car. Or is that supposed to be when I turn 40? Or 50? Somebody help me out here...
I don't know.
It isn't like I woke up this morning and felt any different than any other day. I guess 30 has been creeping up on me for a while.
My hair is thinning out on top and getting thicker everywhere else. I get a 5 o'clock shadow at about 8:30 am. I can hurt myself by just getting out of bed or walking up the stairs the wrong way, and it takes twice as long to recover from every injury. And I would look silly in the latest trendy outfits if I cared to ever try them on.
But worst of all (and I never thought it would happen this soon), I can't stand to listen to today's popular rock music. I just don't appreciate someone screaming into a microphone. What are they so angry about? And why are they wearing so much eye makeup? Is that what my music sounds like to people older than me?
Oh, well. I'm getting old. I knew that someday I would get to this point.
There are many people who have done amazing things and had great success in their lives before they turned 30. Alexander Graham Bell. Tiger Woods. Ryan Seacrest. But I never wanted any international attention or critical acclaim.
I really only hoped for one thing by my 30th birthday, and I can tell you that I got my wish.
I'm still around.
And isn't that enough?
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have an appointment with a man about a red sports car. Or is that supposed to be when I turn 40? Or 50? Somebody help me out here...
Friday, November 25, 2005
Operation: Black Friday
I woke before dawn this morning. The turkey and stuffing from yesterday's Thanksgiving feast were still stirring. But I was ready. The sales were just getting underway.
I was not the mastermind of this mission. That responsibility fell to the team member with much, much more experience. I am usually still asleep for a majority of this process, but not today.
We arrived at the first location a few minutes after 0600 hours. Everything went as planned. We moved on to the next objective without hesitation, securing a prime parking spot upon arrival. You can't plan for that. It was a bonus.
We forged ahead. Soon the trunk was filled with bags and boxes, the spoils of a job well done.
I knew that I wouldn't get much of the glory for the success of this mission. I was the wheelman. The transporter of purchased merchandise. The holder of a spot in line. But it was worth the effort to see the plan unfold and just be a part of it.
We arrived back at the HQ just after noon. We ate waffles and sorted receipts. We napped. We reveled in the triumph of the morning. I think the mastermind started planning for next year.
But not me. I needed to get my rest. I did more before 9:00 am than I care to do all day.
I was not the mastermind of this mission. That responsibility fell to the team member with much, much more experience. I am usually still asleep for a majority of this process, but not today.
We arrived at the first location a few minutes after 0600 hours. Everything went as planned. We moved on to the next objective without hesitation, securing a prime parking spot upon arrival. You can't plan for that. It was a bonus.
We forged ahead. Soon the trunk was filled with bags and boxes, the spoils of a job well done.
I knew that I wouldn't get much of the glory for the success of this mission. I was the wheelman. The transporter of purchased merchandise. The holder of a spot in line. But it was worth the effort to see the plan unfold and just be a part of it.
We arrived back at the HQ just after noon. We ate waffles and sorted receipts. We napped. We reveled in the triumph of the morning. I think the mastermind started planning for next year.
But not me. I needed to get my rest. I did more before 9:00 am than I care to do all day.