Purple Tape
Ms. Coon was found guilty of six of the seven charges filed against her. She is in the Allegheny County Jail awaiting sentencing, which will happen next Thursday. I just hope they don't let her work in the kitchen during her stay. Even inmates don't deserve tainted pastries.
Again With The Chocolate Lasagna?
Of all 56 posts on the sinkerbeam blog, this one has received by far the most public attention. People from all across the nation are upset about the elimination of Chocolate Lasagna from the Olive Garden menu. And rightfully so. If you want to see something interesting, try typing "Olive Garden chocolate lasagna" into a Google search and check out the top ten. Scary, isn't it? The sinkerbeam blog has a global presence.
Crazy Running Lady
I see crazy running lady all over the place now. In fact, she has her own myspace page, and her screen name is - crazy running lady. See? I was right all along. Of course, I'm pretty sure it's a spoof page, but you can go there and see pictures of her running. In slacks.
Two Poles And A Mound Of Dirt
It has been two months and no one has done anything to the additions in the corner of my yard. The two poles are still in exactly the same spot. The mound of dirt is eroding into the street with every rainfall. Maybe they're just waiting for it to get freezing cold outside before they start any work.
Fall Back
Starting in 2007, the Daylight Saving Time rules change. DST will begin on the second Sunday in March and end on the first Sunday in November. That's a good three weeks longer than in the past. Now that we will save time for 2/3 of the year, shouldn't we call that period Standard Time? The rest of the year can be Daylight Wasting Time or something.
Deer Crossing
Within a week of my tunnel incident, a deer broke into a bank in the area and broke a bunch of stuff. It left right as animal control was getting there. I'm telling you, there's a gang of daredevil deer running around the city. Maybe that's why some of the graffiti is so illegible.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Wednesday, November 8, 2006
Deer Crossing
As I pulled out of the parking lot at work, I really thought that the conditions were perfect for a chance to break the record. It was 3:30 in the morning. A majority of the traffic lights on my way home would be blinking, and there would be very few cars on the road. The weather was cool with no precipitation.
The world record for making it from my office to my house has stood at 15 minutes for more than six months. But maybe, just maybe, this trip would drop my journey into the elusive sub-quarter-hour time.
Things started out great, as the first three lights on Liberty Avenue showed a constant green. At the left turn to Crosstown Boulevard I had to hesitate for just a second as a Police car passed me in the opposite direction. Then, at the entrance to the Liberty Tunnels, I hit my first red light. Luckily it was near the end of the cycle for the intersection, so I wasn't going to lose too much time.
The light switched to green and I entered the tunnel. I noticed that the cars in both lanes in front of me had their brake lights on, and as I got closer I could tell that they were almost at a complete stop about an eighth of the way through. Who stops their vehicle in a tunnel at 3:30 am? Did they have simultaneous car trouble? Or were they just trying to sabotage my record attempt?
As it turns out, they were slowing down for a deer. A gangly, semi-coordinated teenage white-tail. Apparently it was looking for a quicker way to the South Hills than a hike over Mount Washington.
So there we went for the next ten minutes or so. Six miles per hour. Traffic stacking up behind us. Watching the hind-quarters of this animal as it clumsily made its way down the center line of the Liberty Tunnel.
It was easy to see that animal hooves are not engineered for concrete. Sometimes this deer would stop and turn around, like it had realized the error of its decision, and I'd have to ease the Corsica over towards the middle a bit. I would shine my headlight right between the cars in front of me as if to say, "keep going you goofy animal. You've already ruined my attempt at a world record and there's no reason for you to run into some car behind me, too."
Meanwhile, some people were honking their horns. Very helpful. Thanks for that.
Anyway, after what felt like forever we finally made it to the end. If you are wondering what a deer does after a lengthy trot through the Liberty Tubes, it takes the first exit ramp and heads toward the West End. He probably won the dare and was going to have to wait for his deer peers who chose to go overland. But to the victor goes the salt lick.
Needless to say, I did not break the record. Even if the conditions are perfect, there are many factors that are out of my control as I attempt to make it home in less than 15 minutes. Red lights. Other drivers. Some crazy deer.
But what can I say? He probably broke his own world record time for getting to the other side of Mount Washington.
At least one of us did.
The world record for making it from my office to my house has stood at 15 minutes for more than six months. But maybe, just maybe, this trip would drop my journey into the elusive sub-quarter-hour time.
Things started out great, as the first three lights on Liberty Avenue showed a constant green. At the left turn to Crosstown Boulevard I had to hesitate for just a second as a Police car passed me in the opposite direction. Then, at the entrance to the Liberty Tunnels, I hit my first red light. Luckily it was near the end of the cycle for the intersection, so I wasn't going to lose too much time.
The light switched to green and I entered the tunnel. I noticed that the cars in both lanes in front of me had their brake lights on, and as I got closer I could tell that they were almost at a complete stop about an eighth of the way through. Who stops their vehicle in a tunnel at 3:30 am? Did they have simultaneous car trouble? Or were they just trying to sabotage my record attempt?
As it turns out, they were slowing down for a deer. A gangly, semi-coordinated teenage white-tail. Apparently it was looking for a quicker way to the South Hills than a hike over Mount Washington.
So there we went for the next ten minutes or so. Six miles per hour. Traffic stacking up behind us. Watching the hind-quarters of this animal as it clumsily made its way down the center line of the Liberty Tunnel.
It was easy to see that animal hooves are not engineered for concrete. Sometimes this deer would stop and turn around, like it had realized the error of its decision, and I'd have to ease the Corsica over towards the middle a bit. I would shine my headlight right between the cars in front of me as if to say, "keep going you goofy animal. You've already ruined my attempt at a world record and there's no reason for you to run into some car behind me, too."
Meanwhile, some people were honking their horns. Very helpful. Thanks for that.
Anyway, after what felt like forever we finally made it to the end. If you are wondering what a deer does after a lengthy trot through the Liberty Tubes, it takes the first exit ramp and heads toward the West End. He probably won the dare and was going to have to wait for his deer peers who chose to go overland. But to the victor goes the salt lick.
Needless to say, I did not break the record. Even if the conditions are perfect, there are many factors that are out of my control as I attempt to make it home in less than 15 minutes. Red lights. Other drivers. Some crazy deer.
But what can I say? He probably broke his own world record time for getting to the other side of Mount Washington.
At least one of us did.
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Fall Back
Well, it's Fall. Autumn. Whatever you call it. The time of year between sun and snow in this part of the hemisphere.
There are so many things to look forward to during this season. Leaves from other people's trees falling in my yard. Teenagers coming to my house on Halloween dressed in a hoodie and jeans expecting me to give them some candy. Putting away my trusty cargo shorts until March. Well, late February, anyway.
But the best thing about fall is falling back. You know, when Daylight Saving Time ends and we set the clocks back one hour, thereby giving us an extra sixty minutes of sleep on that one wonderful weekend in October.
The only problem is that the time officially changes at 2:00am. This cuts into my extra hour of sleep, since I have to wake up at two in the morning and change all of the clocks in my house to reflect the new time. And everyone knows that going backwards on a clock is much more difficult and time consuming than springing ahead, since most have no "back" button and need to instead jump 23 hours to get there.
Why can't they make the official end of DST at like 8:30pm? It would be much more convenient. And since it happens on a Saturday, nothing important (like the prime time tv schedule) would be affected. Just a thought...
Since a change is unlikely, I have found a way to solve the early morning fall back dilemma and get more of the extra hour of sleep that you are entitled to. And since the changeover time is quickly approaching, I will share it with you.
Have fewer clocks.
Or you could move to Arizona, where they don't believe in saving any daylight at all.
Sleep tight.
There are so many things to look forward to during this season. Leaves from other people's trees falling in my yard. Teenagers coming to my house on Halloween dressed in a hoodie and jeans expecting me to give them some candy. Putting away my trusty cargo shorts until March. Well, late February, anyway.
But the best thing about fall is falling back. You know, when Daylight Saving Time ends and we set the clocks back one hour, thereby giving us an extra sixty minutes of sleep on that one wonderful weekend in October.
The only problem is that the time officially changes at 2:00am. This cuts into my extra hour of sleep, since I have to wake up at two in the morning and change all of the clocks in my house to reflect the new time. And everyone knows that going backwards on a clock is much more difficult and time consuming than springing ahead, since most have no "back" button and need to instead jump 23 hours to get there.
Why can't they make the official end of DST at like 8:30pm? It would be much more convenient. And since it happens on a Saturday, nothing important (like the prime time tv schedule) would be affected. Just a thought...
Since a change is unlikely, I have found a way to solve the early morning fall back dilemma and get more of the extra hour of sleep that you are entitled to. And since the changeover time is quickly approaching, I will share it with you.
Have fewer clocks.
Or you could move to Arizona, where they don't believe in saving any daylight at all.
Sleep tight.
Friday, October 6, 2006
Burnt Sienna
Somewhere during the first month of Public Relations 101, right between "writing a press release" and "the Exxon Valdez," there is a lecture about allowing celebrities to speak words other than ones written in a script. The general consensus is to not let it happen. Think Tom Cruise jumping up and down on Oprah's couch. Or Mel Gibson driving home from a party.
But the PR folks can't be everwhere all the time. Actress Sienna Miller put down the city of Pittsburgh in an interview with Rolling Stone that was recently published. She called the place "a word that starts with sh and rhymes with Pitt" sburgh, and made some other remarks about her time here. The public relations problem is that she is currently in Pittsburgh, filming a movie called The Mysteries of Pittsburgh that is based on a book about Pittsburgh. Not a smart move. They do want people to come see this film, right?
The PR spin machine went into action, and the very same day the story was released Sienna and our kid Mayor were on every news station in the city. She had made up a half thought out story about working nights and and what she really meant is that she didn't have a chance to get out and see the city. She said that she was taken out of context. I'm wondering in what context her comments might make sense. The Mayor, however, said that she is forgiven. Maybe by you, Luke. The rest of us aren't buying a word of it.
Not that we really care. The story was generated by the local media and then picked up by the national media. And since half of television time is taken up with shows about where celebrities are eating breakfast and crossing the street, the news was everywhere. When actual Pittsburghers were asked what they thought of her comments, a good majority replied "Sienna who? Probably a Bengals fan. Go STEELERS!!"
You think she would like it here. She is making millions and we have very few British nannies to tempt her boyfriend. Plus, our homeless people are much more interesting than the ones in trendy NYC.
The truth is that if you don't have anything nice to say, you should probably not stray from the script. The PR hit isn't worth your opinion.
What is this movie about again?
But the PR folks can't be everwhere all the time. Actress Sienna Miller put down the city of Pittsburgh in an interview with Rolling Stone that was recently published. She called the place "a word that starts with sh and rhymes with Pitt" sburgh, and made some other remarks about her time here. The public relations problem is that she is currently in Pittsburgh, filming a movie called The Mysteries of Pittsburgh that is based on a book about Pittsburgh. Not a smart move. They do want people to come see this film, right?
The PR spin machine went into action, and the very same day the story was released Sienna and our kid Mayor were on every news station in the city. She had made up a half thought out story about working nights and and what she really meant is that she didn't have a chance to get out and see the city. She said that she was taken out of context. I'm wondering in what context her comments might make sense. The Mayor, however, said that she is forgiven. Maybe by you, Luke. The rest of us aren't buying a word of it.
Not that we really care. The story was generated by the local media and then picked up by the national media. And since half of television time is taken up with shows about where celebrities are eating breakfast and crossing the street, the news was everywhere. When actual Pittsburghers were asked what they thought of her comments, a good majority replied "Sienna who? Probably a Bengals fan. Go STEELERS!!"
You think she would like it here. She is making millions and we have very few British nannies to tempt her boyfriend. Plus, our homeless people are much more interesting than the ones in trendy NYC.
The truth is that if you don't have anything nice to say, you should probably not stray from the script. The PR hit isn't worth your opinion.
What is this movie about again?
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Now With Aloe!
Sometimes a consumer goods company will react to a need in the marketplace and change one of their products for the better. And sometimes, right around when I start to become comfortable with a certain item, they will change it just to mess with me.
It's one thing to come out with an alternative product. Frosted Flakes with 1/3 less sugar is a good idea. Just make sure that I can still buy the full sugar version, too, in case I actually want to eat the stuff instead of put the box on the counter and pretend for guests that I am on a diet.
Sometimes, though, companies change the original formula forever. New and improved they say. And you can't get the old one back.
Take for instance my soap. I've been using Safeguard for many years now, and I like it. It has been around since 1965 and is the #1 brand of antibacterial soap sold worldwide. You'd think that they would just leave well enough alone. Instead, they have recently decided that it was necessary to add aloe to my Safeguard. Why? Has there been an universal outcry for aloe lately? I'm just fine with the moisture level of my skin. You can now only get the aloeless version in beige. My bathroom decor is white. It doesn't go.
My toothpaste was also a victim of unnecessary change. Until recently, I had been an Aquafresh Extreme Clean consumer. I liked the crazy, foaming-at-the-mouth bubbles. I felt like my teeth were getting Extremely Clean. It all made sense. Until they decided to add whitening to all flavors of the toothpaste. You can't even get a tube without whitening anymore. I don't want whitening. One out of one of my dentists recommends that I don't use toothpaste with whitening.
A while back my deodorant of choice decided to add some ingredient that I don't remember the name of - it was about 25 letters long and sounded like a mishmash of the periodic table. Tetroclorohydraconiumazine or something like that. Anyway, the stuff was supposed to be better at keeping you from sweating. It gave me an underarm rash.
There are many other examples of this phenomenon. Cell phone plans. Rachel Ray. Even the cleaner Formula 409 was recently new and improved. I'm sorry - wouldn't that be Formula 410?
I'm just saying be careful. Sometimes new and improved really only means different.
It's one thing to come out with an alternative product. Frosted Flakes with 1/3 less sugar is a good idea. Just make sure that I can still buy the full sugar version, too, in case I actually want to eat the stuff instead of put the box on the counter and pretend for guests that I am on a diet.
Sometimes, though, companies change the original formula forever. New and improved they say. And you can't get the old one back.
Take for instance my soap. I've been using Safeguard for many years now, and I like it. It has been around since 1965 and is the #1 brand of antibacterial soap sold worldwide. You'd think that they would just leave well enough alone. Instead, they have recently decided that it was necessary to add aloe to my Safeguard. Why? Has there been an universal outcry for aloe lately? I'm just fine with the moisture level of my skin. You can now only get the aloeless version in beige. My bathroom decor is white. It doesn't go.
My toothpaste was also a victim of unnecessary change. Until recently, I had been an Aquafresh Extreme Clean consumer. I liked the crazy, foaming-at-the-mouth bubbles. I felt like my teeth were getting Extremely Clean. It all made sense. Until they decided to add whitening to all flavors of the toothpaste. You can't even get a tube without whitening anymore. I don't want whitening. One out of one of my dentists recommends that I don't use toothpaste with whitening.
A while back my deodorant of choice decided to add some ingredient that I don't remember the name of - it was about 25 letters long and sounded like a mishmash of the periodic table. Tetroclorohydraconiumazine or something like that. Anyway, the stuff was supposed to be better at keeping you from sweating. It gave me an underarm rash.
There are many other examples of this phenomenon. Cell phone plans. Rachel Ray. Even the cleaner Formula 409 was recently new and improved. I'm sorry - wouldn't that be Formula 410?
I'm just saying be careful. Sometimes new and improved really only means different.
Monday, September 18, 2006
Space Junk
Astronauts were attaching some new pieces to the International Space Station when they lost a bolt. Two of them, actually. On back-to-back spacewalks.
A 1 1/2 inch bolt doesn't sound like a big deal, but it can really do some damage if it punctures a space suit or some fragile space equipment. Especially when everything is zipping around the earth at almost 18,000 miles per hour. Mission Control, however, is sure that the lost fasteners are floating harmlessly back into the atmosphere.
It's not like if you lost a bolt at your house. They can't just stop by Space Depot and pick up another one. Instead, in both instances, they just "used three bolts for the task instead of four."
Let me get this straight. First, they can't come up with a way to keep these things from floating away. Second, they didn't bring any extras just in case. And third, they decided to just skip one and use three bolts when the brackets are designed for four.
And they told me I couldn't be a rocket scientist.
A 1 1/2 inch bolt doesn't sound like a big deal, but it can really do some damage if it punctures a space suit or some fragile space equipment. Especially when everything is zipping around the earth at almost 18,000 miles per hour. Mission Control, however, is sure that the lost fasteners are floating harmlessly back into the atmosphere.
It's not like if you lost a bolt at your house. They can't just stop by Space Depot and pick up another one. Instead, in both instances, they just "used three bolts for the task instead of four."
Let me get this straight. First, they can't come up with a way to keep these things from floating away. Second, they didn't bring any extras just in case. And third, they decided to just skip one and use three bolts when the brackets are designed for four.
And they told me I couldn't be a rocket scientist.
Saturday, September 16, 2006
Tell Popeye
If the taste and texture weren't enough reason for you to not eat spinach, here comes another.
Escherichia coli O157:H7.
It sounds like a European mailing address. But it's actually the scientific name for the strain of E. coli bacteria that causes illness in humans. It has been found recently in bagged spinach, and one person has died and almost 100 have been sickened by the outbreak.
Someone tell Popeye.
It's hard to be "strong to the finich" with severe abdominal cramps lasting five to ten days. Not to mention some of the other symptoms. Looks like he may have to find another leafy green to stock up on. For me, it's just another excuse to skip the veggie and move straight to dessert.
Escherichia coli O157:H7.
It sounds like a European mailing address. But it's actually the scientific name for the strain of E. coli bacteria that causes illness in humans. It has been found recently in bagged spinach, and one person has died and almost 100 have been sickened by the outbreak.
Someone tell Popeye.
It's hard to be "strong to the finich" with severe abdominal cramps lasting five to ten days. Not to mention some of the other symptoms. Looks like he may have to find another leafy green to stock up on. For me, it's just another excuse to skip the veggie and move straight to dessert.
Tuesday, September 5, 2006
Out Of The Cellar
With today's win over the Cubs, the Pirates climbed out of last place in the NL Central Division, where they have been through the first 138 games of the season. What does this mean?
They're still playing baseball.
I did not know that. I always thought the MLB season ended when Steelers training camp started. At least since 1992. But, alas, baseball rolls on.
The Bucs are now 5th out of 6 in the division and 15th out of 16 in the National League - a mere 17.5 games back of the wildcard spot. Let's just say that there was no champagne uncorked after the final out in today's game.
But it is progress. Fourth place here we come...
They're still playing baseball.
I did not know that. I always thought the MLB season ended when Steelers training camp started. At least since 1992. But, alas, baseball rolls on.
The Bucs are now 5th out of 6 in the division and 15th out of 16 in the National League - a mere 17.5 games back of the wildcard spot. Let's just say that there was no champagne uncorked after the final out in today's game.
But it is progress. Fourth place here we come...
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Two Poles And A Mound Of Dirt
A couple of guys showed up the other day and started digging a hole in my yard. This normally would have made me angry, and I would have at least gone outside and said something. But there were two of them and one of me. And I had to go to the dentist.
When I came back, shiny clean teeth and all, the two diggers were done and gone. And there was a new addition in my front yard. A bigger, taller telephone pole was now standing right next to the old telephone pole. And a mound of dirt was at the base of both of them.
Let me first tell you that I don't even like having a single telephone pole in my yard. But I do like cable TV and having a telephone (and electricity for that matter), so we have an agreement.
The old pole seemed to be doing just fine. It's been standing in the same spot for probably 50 years, holding up bunches of wires and this lamp-looking thing that never turns on. Now it is scared about being replaced, even though nothing has been unattached yet.
The new pole is about six feet taller and almost twice as wide as the old one. Right now it's just standing there intimidating the other pole (and serving as a perch for that gigantic crow). I think the mound of dirt is just for fun.
I'm not sure why we need such a serious pole in our front yard. The old one isn't falling over or anything, so just transferring all of the wires and things to the new one gives no added benefit. Maybe they're going to install a surveillance camera on it so they can see who is throwing all of that junk in my yard. Or maybe they'll just keep putting up poles next to each other around my whole property, like a big stockade fence.
That would be cool.
Fort Sinkerbeam.
I'll let you know what happens. Right now I'm just happy about the added benefits that I'm getting from our new pole and dirt mound. Ten fewer square feet of grass that I have to cut.
When I came back, shiny clean teeth and all, the two diggers were done and gone. And there was a new addition in my front yard. A bigger, taller telephone pole was now standing right next to the old telephone pole. And a mound of dirt was at the base of both of them.
Let me first tell you that I don't even like having a single telephone pole in my yard. But I do like cable TV and having a telephone (and electricity for that matter), so we have an agreement.The old pole seemed to be doing just fine. It's been standing in the same spot for probably 50 years, holding up bunches of wires and this lamp-looking thing that never turns on. Now it is scared about being replaced, even though nothing has been unattached yet.
The new pole is about six feet taller and almost twice as wide as the old one. Right now it's just standing there intimidating the other pole (and serving as a perch for that gigantic crow). I think the mound of dirt is just for fun.
I'm not sure why we need such a serious pole in our front yard. The old one isn't falling over or anything, so just transferring all of the wires and things to the new one gives no added benefit. Maybe they're going to install a surveillance camera on it so they can see who is throwing all of that junk in my yard. Or maybe they'll just keep putting up poles next to each other around my whole property, like a big stockade fence.
That would be cool.
Fort Sinkerbeam.
I'll let you know what happens. Right now I'm just happy about the added benefits that I'm getting from our new pole and dirt mound. Ten fewer square feet of grass that I have to cut.
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Ca$h Back
The sinkerbeam blog has been called a lot of things. Useful and helpful have never been among them. But this post is different. At the very least, it may surprise you.
Don't get used to it.
I'm going to save you some money. No, really, I'm trying to be serious here.
Let's say, hypothetically, that you need to buy a new lawn mower. Let's say that your old one was either leaking or burning up oil at an alarming rate, but you didn't know this was happening. You had checked the oil at the beginning of the grass cutting season and everything was fine. So, just for the sake of argument, let's say that one day while you were running your lawn mower, the last useful drip of oil disappeared, and the scale tipped toward viscosity and thermal breakdown. The superheated piston then scored the cylinder walls and itself before seizing up, ruining a bunch of other parts inside the engine that also do important stuff.
Like I said, we'll assume that you need a new lawn mower.
Instead of just going to Sears and picking one up, head to the grocery store. Yep. Giant Eagle. They've got a fuel savings program and some gift cards that you'll need for the next step of this money saving process.
For every $50 you spend in groceries (and other assorted sundries from the store), you get 10 cents off per gallon on your next gasoline purchase. It's called "Fuel Perks" (people in Pittsburgh and the smarter parts of Ohio already know this). Gift cards count as sundries and are part of the program, so pick up a couple of $100 Sears gift cards. That's forty cents off per gallon.
Hypothetically, we'll assume your car takes 15 gallons of gas when you fill it up.
$200 mower - ($0.40 fuel perks x 15 gallons) = $194 mower
Now, if you don't have a Citi or Chase rewards credit card that gives you 5% back on grocery store and gas station purchases, go apply for one. It's important for the next equation.
$194 mower - (5% off of $200 in gift cards + (5% off total gas price (($2.80/gallon - $0.40 in fuel perks) x 15 gallons))) = $182.20 mower
See? I told you I would save you money. Even after you pay the tax, you've got more cash in your pocket than you would have if you didn't use this method. Just imagine if you had a truck that took 30 gallons of gas per fill up. And you wanted to buy a big screen TV at Best Buy for $1000.
$1000 TV - ($2.00 fuel perks x 30 gallons) - (5% off of $1000 in gift cards + (5% off total gas price (($2.80/gallon - $2.00 in fuel perks) x 30 gallons))) = $888.80 TV
Plus, Best Buy has a rewards card that gives you $5 back for every $150 you spend. You're down to $858.80 for your thousand dollar television. Trust me on the math for this one.
And you thought that the sinkerbeam blog couldn't be helpful. Shame on you.
Of course, you could always just pay the 89 cents and get a bottle of oil for your lawn mower before the breakdown occurs.
There you go. I just saved you $181.31 and a bunch of effort.
Hypothetically.
Don't get used to it.
I'm going to save you some money. No, really, I'm trying to be serious here.
Let's say, hypothetically, that you need to buy a new lawn mower. Let's say that your old one was either leaking or burning up oil at an alarming rate, but you didn't know this was happening. You had checked the oil at the beginning of the grass cutting season and everything was fine. So, just for the sake of argument, let's say that one day while you were running your lawn mower, the last useful drip of oil disappeared, and the scale tipped toward viscosity and thermal breakdown. The superheated piston then scored the cylinder walls and itself before seizing up, ruining a bunch of other parts inside the engine that also do important stuff.
Like I said, we'll assume that you need a new lawn mower.
Instead of just going to Sears and picking one up, head to the grocery store. Yep. Giant Eagle. They've got a fuel savings program and some gift cards that you'll need for the next step of this money saving process.
For every $50 you spend in groceries (and other assorted sundries from the store), you get 10 cents off per gallon on your next gasoline purchase. It's called "Fuel Perks" (people in Pittsburgh and the smarter parts of Ohio already know this). Gift cards count as sundries and are part of the program, so pick up a couple of $100 Sears gift cards. That's forty cents off per gallon.
Hypothetically, we'll assume your car takes 15 gallons of gas when you fill it up.
$200 mower - ($0.40 fuel perks x 15 gallons) = $194 mower
Now, if you don't have a Citi or Chase rewards credit card that gives you 5% back on grocery store and gas station purchases, go apply for one. It's important for the next equation.
$194 mower - (5% off of $200 in gift cards + (5% off total gas price (($2.80/gallon - $0.40 in fuel perks) x 15 gallons))) = $182.20 mower
See? I told you I would save you money. Even after you pay the tax, you've got more cash in your pocket than you would have if you didn't use this method. Just imagine if you had a truck that took 30 gallons of gas per fill up. And you wanted to buy a big screen TV at Best Buy for $1000.
$1000 TV - ($2.00 fuel perks x 30 gallons) - (5% off of $1000 in gift cards + (5% off total gas price (($2.80/gallon - $2.00 in fuel perks) x 30 gallons))) = $888.80 TV
Plus, Best Buy has a rewards card that gives you $5 back for every $150 you spend. You're down to $858.80 for your thousand dollar television. Trust me on the math for this one.
And you thought that the sinkerbeam blog couldn't be helpful. Shame on you.
Of course, you could always just pay the 89 cents and get a bottle of oil for your lawn mower before the breakdown occurs.
There you go. I just saved you $181.31 and a bunch of effort.
Hypothetically.